Memories
by Ninjawolf1313
Summary: As he stood the muscles in his body rippled beneath his sweaty skin. It was a sight that I had never seen before because human men were not built the way he was. No, he was a sculpture, every flaw put there specifically to make him that much more exotic. He was tall, somewhere around 6 feet and his body was pure muscle. He was, shall I say, every female's wet dream.
1. Chapter 1

**Now that I feel closure with PD I feel that it is time for another story. I want to do a Kurama one but Hiei always seems to come more natural to me...for some reason...but I do have some that I am working on for him. One of them is it's only wrong when you got caught, and you may have noticed that I removed it. It needs work. But anyway, I hope that you guys enjoy this one. Review and let me know what you think of it. I don't think I have seen any other stories like this so I'm a little uneasy about posting it. I have most of the chapters done already though. Oh, and grammar and other things of that nature should be TONS better. Just saying.**

**Reviewwwwwwww! .**

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I never would have thought that I would find love. Not in him, not in life, not in anything. I was 22, had friends and what I thought was a decent life, but I was not nearly as magnificent as him. He was strong, fast, beautifully exotic and me? I'm boring, plain and hardly worth a second glance. I was a petty child and often found myself alone because of my attitude towards life and the people in it.

How I captured his attention, I will never know but perhaps I should explain why I am writing in this worn journal.

It's been many years since I had met him. No matter how many years passed his memory never faded a tiny bit. His intense crimson eyes, hard body, deep voice, and the way it felt to have him pressed against me, inside of me; it was all preserved in the back of my mind even as I made a normal life for myself. Certain things always seem to pull me back into time and when that happens I find it hard to live normally. I have so very much to keep inside but I don't regret the past.

I am now an old, shriveled woman, my humanity drawing me closer to death but his very memory seems to still haunt me. At times I find myself looking up towards the trees and wondering if he was somewhere, watching me the way he used to because I swear at times it feels like he is. The wind in those moments will blow and the smell of fire smoke will be faintly in the air. That is how deep he made his way into my very being.

My three children are grown, my husband gone and I find that I cannot keep him a secret any longer.

My children and husband had no idea about that part of my life. No one but the people involved had any clue. I know that my time is coming soon for I am bed ridden in my oldest daughters home, so allow me to start at the most significant point in time and if you don't believe me by the end of this than I understand. However, I am not writing this so that you believe me. I simply want to keep his memory alive, even if I am not. I want him to forever be portrayed in the way that I see him.

Not as the monster that he will surly forever be known as, but instead as the man who protected me in a way that no one else had, and the man that showed me love in the most…unorthodox way.

**How it all began: **

"It's so hot!"

It was mid-summer and one of the hottest summers I had ever experienced. My friend Keiko, a brown-haired brown-eyed girl that I had met at our high school was waving her hands, trying to cool off as we walked. It truly was a pointless thing to do but Keiko was a bit of drama queen though I didn't dare say that out loud.

Keiko was a sweet, nurturing person but damn did she have a temper.

"Quit being a drama queen," her boyfriend said from her other side, echoing my thoughts but obviously not my common sense.

I rolled my eyes, amused as Keiko turned towards him with fire in her eyes. Yusuke was why Keiko had a temper. It was the only way she could handle the loud mouthed male. They were truly a unique couple.

Yusuke was rash, Keiko was calm, Yusuke was impatient, Keiko had the patience of a saint, and for the longest time I wondered how two opposites could come together so fully -at least without murdering each other in the process.

"Seriously Yusuke, why do you even open your mouth?" I teased as I pulled my dark auburn hair into a sloppy bun. It truly was hot and my thick hair was not helping.

Yusuke turned towards me, his brown eyes narrowed playfully as I flashed him a quick smile. He knew that I was only antagonizing him because he told Keiko that I said her chicken tasted dry and that I didn't like it. He was truly a jerk though I still liked him. Yusuke had more elements to him than you would originally think.

He had a heart of gold and was someone who you could trust once you earned his.

"Yeah Yusuke, Lily has a point. The only time you talk is when you're saying something hurtful or rude. Sometimes I wish you lost your ability to speak when you got hit by that car all of those years ago."

I snorted, amused as Yusuke stared at his fiancé in horror. They began to bicker like usual but silently I listened, a soft smile on my face though I was sure there was a hint of sadness. Of course they never noticed my slight reaction. They were always too wrapped up in one another to see that watching them only made me wish to have someone like that.

-Someone to depend on when I needed them or in this case, someone to help me pass the time when I was bored.

"Guys," I said calmly, "we're almost there so shut up."

I flinched when they both turned towards me, their brown eyes narrowed dangerously since I interrupted their odd "flirting" session. I smiled innocently as I pointed at the long staircase.

"Crap," Keiko mumbled as she and I both stopped walking as we looked up in dread.

Yusuke laughed, making me and Keiko turn towards him in anger. We knew him too well to not be alarmed.

"Don't you dare!" we both yelled, but of course he didn't listen. He raced up the stairs and before we could even blink he was out of sight.

"Please Keiko, don't marry that jackass. I can't murder him if you do."

Keiko laughed before we began to slowly climb the stairs. We took our time, admiring the scene as we walked. Everyone was still going to be there, even if we took all damn day. And whoever complained, well between the two of us we were sure that we could give them enough hell to shut up.

"Lily, I can't believe that we have been friends for seven years. Ever since the whole thing with Yusuke happened I have had a hard time making friends. It's nice to have someone from the outside world that I don't have to lie to."

When Keiko and I met we were only fifteen years-old. Every day I would see her sitting alone, at times crying and at other times faking happiness. One day I approached her and we seemed to instantly connect. At the time she told me that her best friend was no longer near her and that she couldn't contact him. Of course I knew that it was a love interest (her eyes would always go glossy) but I kept my observations to myself. It was obvious that Yusuke meant the world to her and the fact that he wasn't there hurt her immensely.

It wasn't until he came back two years later that she told me the truth.

_"Yusuke is a demon,"_ she had said calmly and for a moment I thought she was joking.

"_Please Lily. I need someone to believe me. I…can't bare this secret alone anyone. It kills me that I always have to lie. I want us to remain friends and this is the only way that we can do so."  
_  
I would be lying if I said that I believed her. It took time for me to be convinced but I saw more than enough proof as the years wore on. Now I know for sure that she was telling the truth, Yusuke not even bothering to hide it since he felt that I was trust worthy enough.

Still, despite my friendship with the both of them the concept of demons was not something that comforted me. I didn't want any part of it but they had assured me that I wouldn't be involved in any trouble that would happen. Of course, you can never promise something like that and I never told them my feelings on the matter.

Yusuke was a demon and my friend. I knew that he would never harm me but that didn't mean that I wanted to get involved with the fighting and the killing.

It was truly an amazing story but I find that this book only has so many pages so I cannot go into depth. From what I was told Yusuke had demon blood in him all along and when he died (the second time. The first time he was hit by a car. That is also too long of a tale) his demon blood was awakened.

I may have been a skeptic at first, but when I looked at Yusuke, I mean REALLY looked at him I could see that he was different. His eyes held a secret so dark that I couldn't help but come to terms with it. Of course, when they introduced me to Kurama, Genkia, and Yukina and told our friend Kuwabara that I knew, I soon had more than enough proof. It was like I jumped into a different universe. Suddenly I saw everything with new eyes, but I don't know if that was a good or bad thing. It made me distant from the outside world.

"I know. It feels like we have known each other forever," I said softly as I tried to catch my breath. We weren't even in the middle of the staircase. I hate even thinking of those cursive things.

"Remind me to kick the crap out of your hunny muffin." I'm sure my bitterness seeped through every word.

Keiko snorted, "How about when we make it to the top we gang up on him. Kuwabara will no doubt join."

I laughed. "You have yourself a deal my friend."

Keiko only remained silent for another five minutes. She was always so talkative much to my displeasure…

"So…Brandon huh? He is the cutest American I have ever seen."

I know that the very mention of the tall brown-haired, blue-eyed man had me blushing despite how cool I tried to play it. "He grew up here."

"Ah, but he wasn't born here."

I sighed, "There is nothing between us Keiko. Please stop randomly bringing him up."

But no matter how many times I asked she never stopped. I was never one for dating and Keiko could never understand that, which I though was odd considering she also wasn't one for dating. Now after all of these years I think she just wanted me to find happiness. Perhaps Keiko saw how alone I felt.

"It's obvious that he likes you. He's just as bad as Kuwabara though he is much smoother about it. He is always so sweet and kind."

I rolled my eyes, "He is nothing like Kuwabara."

Kuwabara was the sweetest guy I had ever met. He was always honest with me from the very first day I met him, though he went about it nicely. From the moment I came into my own as a young adult I have always been vulgar at times. Truly my sense of humor is just misunderstood and even though I am pushing 85 I still tend to be quite vulgar. Kuwabara never seemed to mind and I loved that I could say anything when around him and he would simply laugh or add on.

That was also why I became so close with Yusuke despite him being my best friend's boyfriend. I was always feeling like an outcast and it was only natural that I befriended people weirder than I could ever be. Kuwabara was human, like me and Keiko, but unlike us he had high spiritual awareness and could turn his energy into weapons.

Keiko and I were the only "normal" ones and I believe, in our own way, it made us just as different. We could pretend but we could never fit in with the world. To find our place we had to be surrounded by powerful humans and demons alike, and though the term demon made me uncomfortable I just didn't feel the same around a normal human. I always felt fake and smothered by what I have to pretend to be.

That was the problem with Brandon. I didn't feel like I could connect with him. I wasn't sure if it was him, or if it was me but I knew that a relationship would be futile.

"Perhaps not exactly like him, but he does worship the ground you walk on. Come on Lily, when you got fired Brandon begged you to accept a job at his parents business and you make a decent living. I think he…"

"Stop it Keiko. I know what you're going to say so just stop it."

Keiko sighed, her brown eyes sad as she glanced at me. I could see her expression through the corner of my eye but I was looking up, watching as the top of the stairs came closer into my view-point. We were almost there but the remaining few still gave Keiko more than enough time to drill me on my problems with believing that Brandon could ever love me.

To my ears it sounded unlikely and very unwanted but to my heart it sounded like heaven, though I never spoke a word of my feelings to anyone. I was the master at denial when it came to Love. Keiko knew that better than anyone who spent their time in my presence.

"Oh Lily, someday you're going to see that it is possible for a good, hard-working man to love you. Just because your father cheated on your mother and turned her into a drunk does not mean that it will happen to you. Brandon is so good Lily, why can't you see that he is crazy about you?"

_Humans do nothing but hurt each other no matter how "good" they are; _I had thought to myself and there laid my problem. I didn't want to give Brandon the chance to hurt me and the fact that he was just an average human bothered me. I looked at Yusuke and prick he may have been; he was still so true to Keiko. He protected her and loved her just like Kuwabara loved Yukina despite her being a demon.

It was unconditional and I just didn't see someone loving me like that when they didn't know the things that I did. Outside of the group I had no one to lean on and inside of the group I had no one to love. The only single male was Kurama and despite how handsome he was we just didn't see each other like that. Kurama felt more like a mentor than anything. After all, he was a 3000 year-old fox demon residing inside of a human's body. (I find that I also don't have enough pages in this book to explain how that came to be)

They were all larger than life and Brandon just wasn't. We would be living a lie and I didn't want that. I wanted something true and someone to protect me no matter the cost. I couldn't see a normal human jumping in front of a bullet for me or protecting me if I get robbed. I saw them falling to their knees, begging for mercy with a gun pointed to their heads, the holder of their life chuckling at how weak they were right before they took it without mercy.

Perhaps in my youth I had developed some bad feelings towards humans. Keiko was the only one I trusted in that point in time in my life, and even her I didn't share everything with. Even now I am not too sure as to why I felt the way that I did.

We both stopped walking as a huge explosion was heard at the top of the stairs. I remember feeling a bit relieved despite how selfish it may have been. I desperately wanted to end the conversation and lucky for me, Keiko seemed to have forgotten about it as we raced to the top.

"Oh no!" she whined as we moved faster than we did in PE back in high school.

Considering that Keiko and I were both wearing light dresses it was truly a feat that we were able to move the way that we did. It also made me glad that I had decided to wear flats and not the high heels that you would normally wear for a wedding.

"What's wrong?" I huffed from beside her, my long thick hair falling out of its bun due to my harsh bouncing.

"Hiei, I just knew he would ruin it!"

Hiei was a name that I heard every now and again though no one ever said too much. From what I had picked up over the years I knew was that he was a demon who used to help them protect the world from other demons, though I got the feeling that he did it because he had to. Keiko also told me that he was Yukina's brother though she didn't know that he was. I didn't really ask questions because truly it seemed unimportant -though at that moment it seemed to me that I really _should_ have asked more questions.

If the screaming, fighting and loud smashing meant anything, than it meant that this Hiei fellow was angry and dangerous.

When we finally made it to the top Keiko and I froze in our places. Where there used to be a set-up of chairs for a small group was now a small crater with chair pieces scattered around it.

"Something tells me that this was the explosion we heard." And I was sure that my shock was very apparent. Up until then I had only seen Yusuke and Kuwabara fight and they were always semi friendly. This though, this was done out of pure malevolent rage and it sent fear racing through me.

"Come on," Keiko said and as fast as we could we ran to where the screaming was now being heard from.

It appeared to me that someone had skillfully moved away from where the wedding was to take place because the only thing damaged were the seats. The altar that was delicately made of pink flowers was still standing tall and waiting to be used.

I was saddened that the wedding was going to have to be postponed. I knew sweet Yukina was going to be devastated.

"Hiei, you need to calm down. You're not thinking logically!" we heard Kurama yell as their figures began to take shape the closer we got.

"Seriously man, just take a breather. The old hag would never forgive me if I had to use my Spirit Gun on you and ended up taking out half of her forest."

Despite Yusuke's typical way of saying things even he seemed strained. I couldn't have imagined why since Kurama and Yusuke were both dealing with the stranger, but once I was close enough to see what was going on I was dumbstruck.

Yusuke and Kurama were both being attacked by what appeared to be a shadowed blur and from here it looked as though they were struggling. The blur was fast, so fast that watching it made me start to get a serious headache. I could hardly even see the blur, only every now again it would show only to disappear again. It seemed as if it was just a breeze with the way it was everywhere at once.

"That's enough dammit!" Yusuke roared and suddenly his fist swung out, connecting with a part of the air that soon turned into a solid figure that was flying backwards at a dangerous speed.

I heard Keiko gasp from beside me but I think I was too stunned to even do that. This was the very first time I had ever seen Yusuke get so angry that he lashed out like that. I was confused and a little nauseated by all the movement but I could think clearly enough to decide that I didn't like the person who caused all of this.

I watched in amazement as Kurama demonstrated his gift right in front of me. I always knew that he could manipulate plants but actually watching him do it was pure magic. The forest which the figure was flying towards seemed to move towards him, the branches reaching outwards and wrapping around him before he crashed violently to the ground.

An object dropped from his hand, something I quickly recognized as a sword as the branches slowly lowered him down. His head was bent, his chest heaving up and down and despite my better judgment I began to move forward, wanting a better look.

Keiko followed behind me, her hand still over her mouth but I wasn't paying her much mind. Instead I was examining the tan man that was now luckily restrained. All I could see was his tall black hair, tall body and the muscular chest that for some reason was bare. I had never seen anyone like him before and without even seeing his face I knew that he was going to be beautiful –just not in a conventional since.

"I know that you don't like Kuwabara Hiei but this shit needs to stop. You lost all right to interfere with Yukina's life the moment you decided to not tell her that you're her brother. No one has heard from you in over five years and then suddenly you appear, trying to kill Kuwabara for something he doesn't even know!"

"That is because he is a fool."

I could feel my heart speed up over that dark, baritone voice of his and despite my earlier feelings of not liking him I was finding it to be extremely difficult to not fall at his feet.

His voice was cold and had a hint of malice but he spoke calmly, and hearing this Kurama allowed the tree branches to return to their rightful places.

"Are you alright Hiei?" Kurama asked kindly but he did not move to help the man get on his feet.

"Hn," was his reply and I would have rolled my eyes at the lack of words if he didn't begin to stand up.

Even after all of these years I can remember this moment in time crystal clear. The wind was blowing, his hair swaying with it as he lifted his head to look at the two men standing a few feet from him. Keiko and I were standing behind Yusuke and Kurama who were no doubt the ones responsible for steering the fighting away from where the wedding was to take place.

As he stood the muscles in his body rippled beneath his sweaty skin. It was a sight that I had never seen before because human men were not built the way he was. No, he was a sculpture, every flaw put there specifically to make him that much more exotic. He was tall, somewhere around 6 feet and his body was pure muscle. He was, shall I say, every female's wet dream.

"Oh my," I heard Keiko mutter beside me. Even she was taken back by his appearance.

It was then that he opened his eyes. For a moment it was as if I was staring into a puddle of blood but oddly enough it didn't frighten me. There was something about his eyes that had my insides turning. I believe most people call it butterflies. I simply called in an annoyance.

They were hard in emotion but obviously very displeased with what was happening. I could never forget the sharp lines that created his bone structure and gave him a very stern look. His nose was pointed, his jaw strong and clenched in restraint. He crossed his arms, his eyes narrowing slightly as he waited for the men to speak because it was apparent that he had no intention to explain his own intentions.

"Hiei, you grew!"

Despite myself I snorted, Yusuke's random comment amusing me as it always did though now I realize that it wasn't the time and that it would have been wise to continue being unnoticed.

The three men turned their attention to me, all of their eyes ignoring Keiko and instead focusing on my frozen figure. Yusuke and Kurama looked mildly shocked that we were standing there without their notice.

"What? Hasn't anyone ever told you that staring is rude? Please, don't stop fighting on my account. I was actually going to kick Yusuke's ass anyway. It would be much easier if he was tired…" Oh how I wish that my mouth had a pair of breaks at times. It would have saved me a lot of trouble…

Yusuke began to laugh and I'm sure that my eye twitched as it always does when I am annoyed. As much as I liked Yusuke it seemed like my eye was constantly twitching when I was around him.

"Keiko, Lily, how long have you two been standing there?" Kurama scolded lightly. For whatever reason he was unhappy that we were there, that much was obvious.

"Oh we weren't here long," Keiko said smoothly, obviously used to being around this sort of thing unexpectedly.

I simply shrugged at Kurama's searching gaze and looked passed him towards who I now knew was Hiei. I was surprised to see that he was still there and watching me despite Keiko taking over the conversation. Even now I wish I knew what he was thinking in that moment. I remember feeling rather dull and gross in my pretty blue dress. Compared to him I was dull and gross even though he was the one covered in grime.

Maybe it was because he had an air of superiority and was obviously a very strong demon. What could I, a 22 year-old human look like to him?

At my young age my confidence in myself was strained and at times very easily shattered though I never allowed it to show -like in this moment of time when I had an exotic, beautiful demon standing across from me for the very first time. He was the first pure demon that I had ever met besides Yukina.

His gaze was one of indifference but it was me that had his attention. I'm sure that he saw every emotion that I was feeling because standing before him I felt very vulnerable. Still, It was me that he was paying attention to and under his gaze I felt…so, so small. The fact that I was 5 foot 5 which is somewhat an average height didn't matter. He could have been an ant and it wouldn't have made any difference to me.

His gaze was all that was needed to make me feel like a puddle.

Suddenly his lips upturned to what seemed to be a mocking smirk before he began to approach us, or should I say me. My heart sputtered but I did not budge.

_I'm not intimidated_, I told myself repeatedly despite the frantic beating of my heart, and I watched in confusion as his eyes flashed with dark amusement and suddenly he was gone. I looked around, my expression no doubt surprised by the fact that he disappeared right along with his sword. It was like he was never even there to begin with.

"Lily, are you okay?" I heard Keiko question as she grabbed my arm.

"Why wouldn't I be?" I mumbled as I began to walk backwards, my eyes flickering every which way though I knew deep down that I wasn't going to see him -Perhaps never again.

"Don't worry about Hiei. He is no doubt going to brood over his sister marrying Kuwabara. Don't be surprised if he doesn't make another appearance."

At the time I didn't catch the look in Kurama's green, all-knowing eyes, but now I see what I couldn't see then. Kurama knew that I was intrigued by the rough demon and he was trying to tell me in his own dismissive way to let it go. He believed that my interest in Hiei would be a waste of time. That it would never be returned.

That funny thing is that those were my thoughts exactly. We were both wrong.

The wedding was only postponed for a couple of hours which consisted of every one (minus the bride and groom) moving the altar to a new location. It was pure chaos as we all tried to hurry. Keiko and I took the liberty to finding more seats and after an hour of searching to no prevail I had enough of it. Sometimes when I think back I can't help but laugh at myself.

"That's it," I yelled as I stomped my foot. I was somewhat of a child back then when I got frustrated… "We're laying down a sheet, getting some pillows and we can all sit on the damn ground! Screw chairs, who needs them?"

Keiko turned towards me before shrugging. Despite her calmness I know Keiko must have been getting irritated. She was a perfectionist and though Yukina didn't know much about human rituals Keiko had wanted it to be perfect and ever female's fantasy.

"I guess that will have to do. Come on." And after that things began to calm down.

"We're outside sitting on pillows," a woman named Shizuru said coolly as we all waited for the ceremony to start.

Shizuru was Kuwabara's older sister and she was the toughest woman I had ever known. None of the men dared to go up against her and I, as smart mouthed as I was, had too much respect for her and her fist. It didn't matter that she was much sweeter towards the females of the group. Shizuru was a good ally to have when the boys pranked us which they did often. The woman should have been the leader of an army because she sure did know how to bring the enemy down.

And make them cry like little babies…

Needless to say I truly looked up to Shizuru and not because she was much taller than me. She was confident, fearless and saw the world for what it really was. I wanted to be like that instead of being an indecisive, sheltered, weak little girl. I never realized the things that I would have to go through in order to achieve that wish.

"Hey, that guy destroyed everything so this was all we could do. Talk about a temper tantrum." I told her which earned me a good snort of amusement.

"Hiei really is something else," she mused to herself, her mind obviously going back to before I was ever known about.

"Okay, Yukina is ready!" Keiko shouted before running out of the temple, her curly hair trailing frantically behind her as she ran.

I couldn't help but roll my eyes at her as she took her seat between me and Yusuke. Since it was a small, personal wedding we only had one row. It went Kurama, Shizuru, me, Keiko and then Yusuke. Kuwabara was standing in his rightful spot with a black eye and a slight hunch. Even then he was smiling as wide as he could.

Genkia, a short woman with stern eyes that I swear can see through walls (let's just say I never got away with a prank when she was around), was standing next to him under the altar with her hands behind her back. To me she seemed a bit tired but she had been tending to Kuwabara after Hiei attacked him.

I didn't know that much about Genkia. She didn't talk much and when I was at the temple she was always somewhere unknown. All she wanted was peace and seclusion though I think that she rather liked it when we came over -Sometimes.

Yusuke turned towards the small boom-box beside him and hit play. Everything went silent, even the birds holding their breath as the wedding music sang out and Yukina made her appearance. For a moment I was confused as to who it was in the white dress.

Her aqua hair was let down and fell in curls around her face. Keiko had lightly put some makeup around her eyes which made her eyes bright and clear and even more defined. She was smiling, excitement clear on her face as she slowly walked down the white flower made path.

I felt my heart aching throughout the whole ceremony. Kuwabara, despite his wounds, stood there proudly and happily while Yukina did her best to not cry. Genkia unionized them together, her voice calm and oddly soft as she spoke. To me it felt like the whole world went silent. I could see mouths moving, could feel Keiko grabbing my arm, but I was lost in the moment. I know it was wrong of me to be hurting when it was day of happiness but I couldn't help but feel bitter.

Why couldn't I find love like that? What was stopping me? Was I not good enough to deserve happiness? What was wrong with me?

"That was so beautiful," Keiko cried and I felt myself jump in surprise.

I put my hand on my heart as I tried to calm the ache. I recognized that I was being self-centered and it was unnecessary for me to be jealous, but since when did jealousy have any common sense? It didn't matter what I told myself, the feeling was still bubbling under my skin. Even when I smiled, laughed, and went with my friends inside of the temple to eat, I still felt it moving around aggressively. It was trying its hardest to wear me down so that I would surrender to its vehement hold but I refused and compressed it as far down as I could.

"So, when are you finally going to tie the knot Urameshi?" I heard Kuwabara say and slowly I dulled the pain until I barely felt it at all.

"Keiko wants to have it in a couple of months. We have been planning the damn thing for over a year."

"Only because you keep disappearing every time she asks for your opinion." Taunting Yusuke always made me feel better, if only for a little while. Anything that brought relief was welcomed. Even if it meant that I had to pick a fight with my demon friend.

Yusuke whirled on me, his eyes wide and a noddle hanging out of his mouth before he slurped it up. I had a look of disgust on my face as I waited for him to get his barring's. I had been quiet almost the whole time so his surprise was in way understandable.

"Damn Lily, I thought you became a mute. I was actually getting excited."

I narrowed my eyes before picking up a piece of chicken off of my plate and letting it loose. I watched as it flew through the air right before connecting with Yusuke's stunned face. He could have moved out-of-the-way but I guess he was astounded. I don't see how since I was always lashing out at him.

"Great," I heard Keiko mumble but my eyes were trained on Yusuke as I awaited his next move. He simply stared at me, his face blank and comical. I was beginning to think that I had finally made the world's biggest smart ass speechless.

I should have known better.

I screamed in surprise as something wet, slimy and warm landed on the top of my head. I was still as a statue as noodles slid down my face but my shock didn't last long. I grabbed a hand full of the noodles and swung around, releasing it on the unexpected Kuwabara who had snuck up behind me during me and Yusuke's stare down.

"Food fight!" Yusuke yelled before food began to fly in a mad furry. Needless to say my pretty blue dress ended up getting ruined.

Yukina and Kuwabara went off into a hidden cabin that Genkia had created in her forest at some point in her life. They left the moment they cleaned themselves up and that meant that it was left to me and Yusuke to clean up the huge mess we made (the others yelled at us for about 30 minutes beforehand).

I didn't mind though. It was exactly what I needed. I got to release a little steam and cleaning always puts me in a calm state of mind. I don't think that will ever change, no matter how old I get and how much more difficult it becomes to clean the bathtub. I refuse to let my children help because that is the moment when I am letting out all of my thoughts and feelings through scrubbing like a mad woman.

"Let's get going Lily. I have to wake up early tomorrow," I heard Keiko call out from behind me but I was staring out of the window and into the dark that surround the temple at night.

My mind had wandered back over to Hiei, the mysterious demon man who was as fast as lightning and just as dangerous. Did he truly leave? Will I never see him again like Kurama seems to think? I believe the biggest question was his behavior towards me. Why would he stare at me, smirk at me, walk towards me and then disappear? Even now I find his actions to be odd.

I blinked a few times as something red suddenly appeared in one of the trees. I squinted my eyes, trying my hardest to see through the dim lighting.

"Lily."

Like a scared kitten I jumped, my head turning around to find Keiko. Her eyes were holding her confusion but once I calmed I turned back towards the window. The faint red orbs were no longer there.

"What's wrong?" Keiko asked as she to looked out of the window.

"Nothing's wrong, I just thought I saw something."

To this day I still don't know for sure just what those red orbs were. However, I think I have a pretty good idea.


	2. Chapter 2

It was almost six in the afternoon. I only had 15 minutes before my shift was over and I could go home, but it always seemed like those last few minutes took the longest. The job I had in my young adult years was plain, boring and sometimes frustrating, but I was lucky to have it. I was an office assistant and my job was to not only cater to the needs of my boss, but to organize his paper work.

It just so happens that Brandon was my boss -the man who Keiko always insisted on bringing up much to my immediate displeasure.

I took a deep breath before opening his office door (I always had to visit him before I left to go home) and entered the relaxing, earth toned environment. Soft music was playing in the background and I froze as I spotted him typing furiously on his work computer. He was always so serious when it came to his job yet he still knew how to take a joke unlike most. That was something that always amazed me about him. No matter the crisis Brandon took it in a stride and never allowed stress to overcome him.

His eyes were narrowed slightly in concentration and his forehead had the faintest of lines. He was completely engrossed in what he was doing and so I took this moment to simply watch him in a way I usually didn't allow. Brandon was the only one in my middle school who would talk to me. Back then I was quiet and kept to myself, my head always down as I mechanically went through day-to-day life. The other kids thought I was weird but not Brandon. No matter what I did or said he never looked at me like a freak.

It only took him a moment before he turned his attention towards me. He was continuously aware of everything I did, much to my annoyance. On days when I would wake up in a funk he was awaiting my arrival with a warm tea and my favorite chocolate. On days when I was tired and found it hard to sort out all the paper work, he would tell me to take it home and bring them first thing in the morning so he could add it in the computer for his father.

He was observant, thoughtful and I felt that he was much too good for me. I was the opposite most of the time, no matter how much I wished that I wasn't.

His blue eyes brightened, their happiness shining through dazzling and clear. This man held nothing back from me and I could never understand how he was always so happy to see me when he saw me many times a day (some of those times I was less than pleasant to be around). It didn't matter to him if I was PMS-ing or simply in a sour mood. He kept his small, gentle smile and his soft, understanding eyes and never took it personally.

Sometimes I often wished that he would so that it would eliminate every chance of him loving me. My attitude pushed every other male away within the first conversation. Brandon though…he always seemed so unaffected no matter how I was acting.

He pushed up the thin glasses that sat on his pointed nose as he gave me a crooked smile. I simply nodded and smiled slightly as I pushed my red tinged hair away from my shoulder, something that I always did when I was feeling overwhelmed. His eyes were the purest blue I had ever seen and they stared into my muggy dark brown eyes with such a sweet emotion that it often made me want to bolt for the nearest exit.

Instead I just separated myself from the part of me that had feelings for him. I found that it truly wasn't so hard to become apathetic when Brandon was involved. I kept myself so far from him that to me he was merely an old classmate and my boss. It wasn't until Keiko would bring him up that I felt odd (and unwanted) sensations tickling the back of my mind.

"You're ready to go I see. Are you that anxious to get home?" he teased lightly as he stood up from his brown leather chair. Brandon had always been a tall, lean guy and despite his high stature in his father's business he still kept his cloths simple and casual.

He refused to conform and instead of the suit and tie he wore a button up shirt, a few buttons at the top undone, the sleeves rolled up and a loose tie and black slacks. His brown hair never failed to have a natural bed hair effect and his eyes never seemed to lose the undercurrent of mischief. His face was soft and round with a small smile always tugging on one corner of his mouth.

The strangest thing to me was that his emotions were always on display, no matter what they were or were caused by. He was not ashamed of whom he was and how he felt, yet he handled everything calmly and with ease. I couldn't help but admire that about him because I knew firsthand how easy it was to get frustrated and just say fuck it.

Believe me; I have said those exact words more times than I am proud of.

"I have to head over to Keiko's after this." Sometimes when I spoke to Brandon my voice had a strange, detached quality to it. Every time his eyes would narrow slightly and he would search my darkened eyes for unknown answers.

I don't know what, but he always found something that made him smile softly, his resolve echoing clearly in his eyes as he turned around and headed back towards his desk. It was the same each time but I could never see what he did when he looked at me. Perhaps he saw something that I had yet to discover about myself, even after all of these years. After all, self-discovery is a lifelong process and as old as I may be I still do not equal up to the knowledge of King Enma, even when it is about myself. Perhaps when I pass I will ask why I had so many unnecessary flaws.

"Very well then. Tell Keiko I said hello and enjoy your weekend," he said before turning his back to me in silent dismissal.

I stared at his smooth back for a moment, wondering why my feet weren't moving before I finally shook my head, picked up my bag and headed out of his office. I felt oddly unsettled and I hated it when something went through my defenses and left me feeling perturbed.

"Lily." I was surprised for he had never done this before. He usually let me go; his eyes watching me walk away as he kept his internal turmoil to himself. It was a pattern and it was one that I was accustom to, so when his soft, even voice called my name I couldn't help but to turn around with wide eyes and a slightly open mouth.

The look in his eyes is still so clear in my head. They were shining, brilliant and held a mixture of determination and worry. I couldn't comprehend the reason for this and was thrown off-balance by his intensity. He was always so carefree and easy-going. Intense was a new way to describe the softly spoken man. Due to my unrefined, offhanded ways I had missed a lot of obvious things about Brandon, like he never turned his back on even the most cavalier of people.

The nastier I became the closer he always seemed to be. He was not afraid to follow his heart. Not like I was.

"I want you to know that if you ever need someone I will be here. Don't be afraid to trust me Lily. I know that you are," and the rest of his thoughts floated into the air and crashed down on me like a title wave – a title wave of bright lights and laughter, everything that I hid away from after what happened to my parents.

I didn't need for him to say it despite how shortsighted I may have been. His eyes said it all and that wall I had built when in his presence developed a little crack that day. It was a light hum but I felt the twist in my chest. His eyes spoke of a commitment and love that terrified me and despite my pride I silently reveled in the feeling of it.

How long had he felt that way about me and how is it that he still wants what I could never give him? At least, that was how I had felt at the time. I couldn't understand how someone like Brandon could want someone like me.

Before I knew it I was pulling into Keiko's driveway. I was so dazed that I could barely remember the drive over (I still can't remember the drive over. Usually I was in a fit of rage due to the extreme traffic by the time I arrived at my destination), but with a deep sigh I casted it all aside and headed towards her small home that was just outside of Tokyo. It was a beautiful place and much nicer than my cruddy apartment.

I envied their backyard.

The door swung open and a crying Keiko was soon standing in the gap. My footsteps fastened, the black heels on my feet clacking as worry overwhelmed me. Suddenly the whole thing with Brandon was pushed into the farthest corner of my mind as I approached my best friend.

"It's happening again," Keiko sobbed and with startled confusion I wrapped my arm around her and led her into the house.

We settled on the leather couch and I waited patiently for her to calm down before I began interrogating. As rash and impatient as I was, I never pressed people when they were upset or if it was something that was none of my business. That to me has always been my best quality, but it often got lost among all of my not so desirable ones.

Keiko's eyes were red and blotchy, a sign that she had been crying like this for hours. I got a feeling of dread in my chest as she began to calm down enough to speak properly. The tears however never stopped, even when her heaving did.

"Okay Keiko, what is going on?" I spoke softly but I could hear the slight shake in my voice. I was worried and I had a good reason to be. Her cryptic words kept echoing in my head and it didn't sound good.

She closed her eyes and lowered her head. I recognized this as the position Keiko would take when she felt helpless and with a feeling of dread that I couldn't explain I knelt down in front of her.

Yusuke was supposed to be home. Where was he?

The TV was off and it was dead silent. There was no curing coming from the back of the house, nothing that showed that Yusuke was home. I knew then that this was something serious but my first thought was that maybe they had a fight and broke up. To me it seemed possible. I didn't even take into consideration that it could have been something much more severe.

"You know how I told you that Yusuke helped make it so the Demon World would only have one ruler for a certain amount of years?"

I had nodded in response, my face blank and oddly somber. It was like something within me was beginning to violently rise up and I quickly recognized it as fear. I knew where this was going but I refused to allow myself to believe it. It was too unreal. Why couldn't it have been a common problem?

"The current King has retaliated against his court and he killed all of them. Demon World is at war with itself more now than ever. Yusuke was called upon to help fix the problem, along with Kurama and Hiei no doubt. Lily…" and then Keiko put her head in her hands.

I stared blankly at my friend, my eyes out of focus as I allowed her words to sink in. For so long I had a fear of something like that happening and because of it I had a hard time accepting reality. They had assured me but I always knew deep down that it didn't matter. I saw a loophole in the whole thing and apparently so did this demon ruler. If they didn't agree with the four-year rule, than what was stopping them from retaliating besides a court of other demons who didn't win the tournament, yet were advisers to the new King? All you had was their word.

That never comforted me in the least.

What was supposed to be a calming breath was instead shuttered as I grabbed Keiko's shaking hands. A wave of determination flowed through me as she opened her eyes to look at mine. She looked helpless and defeated. I hated that look on her. I wanted to remove that trepidation shining clearly in her eyes and despite my own fear I didn't want her to worry about the possible outcome.

"Listen to me Keiko." Even my voice had a strange mature quality to it. Very rarely did I approach something maturely in my youth. "Yusuke is a demon. This is his problem right along with the rest of them. He is strong and you know that he is capable of dealing with this. All you have to do is believe in him and he will come home to you."

Keiko began to nod slightly as a bitter smile slid across her face. I felt my face fall at the anger that was suddenly taking over her features. Suddenly I was feeling uncertain and apprehensive. This was the first time that I had ever seen that face on Keiko.

"I was hoping that Yusuke would never have to deal with that place again. I was hoping that we could start our lives together. Sometimes I forget about that other side of him -the side that I will never be a part of."

My face fell even more as she turned her eyes to me. I shrank back from the look, completely taken by surprise from the sardonic expression that was wholeheartedly focused on me. I started rapidly blinking as I tried to make sense of the woman before me. At the moment she did not look like my best friend. Now I see that all the old wounds she had when I first met her were opening all over again, only this time she didn't have the will to keep herself together.

Still, I don't see myself acting any differently now than I did then. I don't think anyone could have saved Keiko from her spiral down –at least no one that wasn't Yusuke.

"I don't expect you to understand Lily. You don't know what love is because you're too selfish and bitter towards everything. Nothing will take away my fear because I _love _him. Do you get that Lily? Do you know what's like to have to wait for the man who you love while he goes off fighting stronger opponents? Do you know what it's like to watch him fight huge demons when he was just a teenage boy? You don't, and you never will because no one in their right mind would love you the way that Yusuke and I love each other!"

I couldn't help but to flinch as she began to scream. Her words were high in pitch and seemed to cut right through me like a butter knife slicing bread. Rather she saw how badly her words hurt or not, it didn't seem to matter to her. I felt something inside of me snap and suddenly that trust that I had developed towards Keiko broke away with it.

I suddenly felt cold and with the coldness came a detachment that I had never felt towards Keiko before. Even thinking of this one moment that caused the rest of the events to unfold makes my heart ache.

I simply stared at her and once I reached the point to where my heart began to get frostbite, Keiko blinked and opened her mouth slightly before closing it shut.

She knew that she had just walked into the land of no return. The one thing about me that everyone knew was that the moment you hurt me, I mean _really_ hurt me, I was never the same towards you again. Perhaps it had to do with my trust issues, and though I knew that Keiko was merely upset, it didn't change the fact that she used my flaws and worries against me.

She was right. I was selfish and bitter but I never was towards her. That was what hurt me the most. Keiko was that one person that I cried with, laughed with and talked to about upsetting subjects. I would have dropped the whole world for her. In a matter of seconds she ruined all of that.

Now, I wish that I wasn't so unforgiving for even in my old age I find it to be extremely easy to hold a grudge. Life is much too short to hang on to some misplaced words. However, I knew that Keiko meant ever single word she said. I saw it in her eyes every time my drunk of a mother would call and I wouldn't answer. I saw it every time Brandon would bring me chocolate and I would throw it in the trash without a second thought.

She couldn't understand my actions and reactions and at times neither can I.

After a moment of tense silence I stood up. The mirror hanging on the wall showed that my face was just as cold as I felt. It was an ugly look and my dark eyes looked like two black holes trying to suck me into oblivion. I turned away and walked towards the kitchen, Keiko's sobs starting once more as I picked up her house phone and dialed Kuwabara.

The moment he answered I wasted no time in explaining why I was calling.

"Come get Keiko and take her to Genkai. Demon World is rioting." And then I hung up. My voice was no doubt just as frosty as I felt. I was so cold that mentally I was burning. I felt betrayed and my heart was in a state of disarray.

Yes, Keiko was hurting and I wanted to help her, but the words she said would not stop taunting my mind. I tried to help ease her pain and what did she do? She turned around and said the most hurtful thing that could ever be said to me. I decided to meet it down the middle. Kuwabara was going to come and help Keiko calm down while making sure that she was protected, and I was going to get in my car and never look back.

_No one in their right mind would ever love you.  
_  
It may seem stupid but everyone has things about them that you just don't rub in their face. I was not above throwing up the middle finger and walking away, but when it came to Keiko the thought of doing that hurt me like no other. I felt my heart twist in my chest as I headed back towards the sobbing. I didn't look at her and instead headed towards the door. I didn't want her to see the tears that were burning my eyes.

"Lily, please…I didn't mean it," Keiko choked out from behind me but I didn't turn around.

I was silent for a moment, finding that I couldn't muster up the strength to be angry at her. I sighed deeply but the cut of her words did not ease up on the stinging. If anything they were stinging more, even after all of this time they are still sting like the grudge holding person I am. I knew that I couldn't cast Keiko aside, but I knew as well as she did that it was going to be a long while before I could look at her the same.

How she even befriended someone like me is still a mystery. I was more trouble than I am worth it seems.

"I called Kuwabara and he is on his way to take you to Genkai. There might be demons coming after you since Yusuke is well-known. You need to be protected. Stay safe Keiko…and I'm not angry at you for speaking the truth," I said in a softly detached voice before I opened the door, the blackening sky casting me into a fitting darkness.

It never crossed my mind that I as well would be a target.

It was a hot night and no matter what I did I could not cool off. Many times I woke up, the feeling of eyes on me not allowing me to settle into sleep. Finally at four in the morning I opened my eyes, my body tense as I stared into the darkness. I could hear myself breathing. I was practically gasping for breath due to the unseen eyes crushing down on me.

It was so heavy that I began to cry, the pressure slowly making me begin to panic as I realized that something was not right. I reached over to the lamp beside my bed and turned it on. Once I did I looked around in confusion. Nothing was out-of-place and no one was there -no one that I could see at least.

With shaky feet I walked out of my room and into the dim lighted living room. My heart sounded like a drum in my ears and for unknown reasons all I wanted was to run and never look back. To this day I regret not following my instincts.

I got a glass cup and was in the middle of filling it up with water. Suddenly there was crashing, screaming and then darkness. To this day I still can't recall what had happened, but I think the loud horrified screaming was coming from me.

After that the first thing I noticed was that my head hurt. The second thing I noticed was that it was dark. The third thing I noticed was that I was no longer in my apartment.

The walls were stone, the air clammy and it smelt of musk and something other. It hurt to breathe and I knew that something was wrong. I sat up slowly as to not hurt my head and nearly fell into hysteria as I looked around my prison. All around were cages, actual cages, and they were full of people who looked diseased. They were coughing, crying, some even bare which showed their bones and deeply infected wounds.

I scrambled to my feet and tripped on the chain that was attached to my right ankle. My knees hit the stone floor, busting them right open and I just let myself fall down, defeated and afraid. I closed my eyes, no longer able to stare at the corner of my cage. Someone before me had used that corner as their bathroom and judging by the smell it had been there for a while.

I don't know how long I laid there in a dazed comatose before soft crying finally reached my ears.

"Please," the female pleaded in the cage to my left, "where are you Yusuke?"

My eyes snapped open. It couldn't be. It must be someone else who knows a Yusuke. Oh how I wanted to believe that, but I knew that voice and deep in my heart I knew…that Keiko had been captured and just like me she was trapped in an unknown.

I sat up and turned to my neighboring cage. I felt the tears running down my cheeks as I watched her rock back and forth, her silent sobs rocking her dirty blood caked body. Did I look like that? Did I look just as scared and helpless?

The image of what I may have looked like in this moment is much too horrible to form correctly.

"Keiko?"

Her head snapped up, her brown eyes dark in the dim lighting though I could still see how swollen her right eye was. It was obvious that they didn't catch her by surprise like they did me. She knew what was happening and put up a fight.

I had left her alone and I can't help but wonder what would have happened if I had not left when I did. Between me and Keiko, could we have fought them off?

"Lily?" she whispered as her eyes became horrified at the realization. We had both been captured and with the way things looked we were sure that there was only one way out. We weren't going to be rescued because Yusuke was somewhere else. Never before had I felt fear like I did in that moment. Nothing is worse than feeling helpless and hopeless.

"But, Kuwabara…he was supposed to…how?" My hysteria had now reached dangerous heights as the heart within my chest threatened to stop. Even now at the mere flashbacks my heart refuses to work properly. It had been years since I had allowed myself to remember.

"He wasn't fast enough," and then her voice died out. I did not have enough time to ask her anymore questions because loud footsteps began to echo throughout the room.

The ill simply laid down, defeated, while the new arrivals began to scream and cry in desperation. Keiko and I did neither. We both remained silent and I imagine that just like me she was holding her breath. But the difference between Keiko and I was that she was praying to be saved and I…expected to die. I saw no other ending for us.

It was in this moment that my whole inner workings changed.

A tall green monster came into view and slowly the blood drained from my veins. At least that was what it felt like as he passed by me and paused in front of Keiko. I was horrified and petrified as his largely clawed hand reached out and opened her cage door. He intended on taking Keiko. To where? I didn't care, all I knew was that I had to do something, and fast.

Keiko broke as she began to sob, her hands lashing out at the monster as she scooted herself as far back as she could go. Within only a split second I was on my feet and screaming.

"Don't you dare fucking touch her!" I yelled indignantly. "Take me instead you ugly monster!"

I was barely aware of the silence of the room as the other prisoners watched in morbid fascination. They were just happy that it wasn't them. The problems I have always had with mankind were reflected in this moment. Self-sacrificing is apparently too much to ask…when it comes to having to choose. For me though, the decision was easy. There was not a thing in the world that I wouldn't do for Keiko, as selfish as I was.

The green monster stopped in mid movement as he turned his black eyes towards me. He was weighing me, considering my offer before a wide disgusting smile spread across his face. He slammed her cage door closed and moved towards me. Keiko's screaming were muffled in the background, my heart sounding like thunder in my ears, as he opened my cage door, ripped the chain holding me to the floor and dragged me out by my knotted hair. There was no mercy for me, this I knew.

I closed my eyes, and silently prayed that Yusuke would make it to Keiko in time. I knew that my sacrifice would only bide her a small amount of time but my pessimistic heart had no faith. I saw us as good as dead, right along with the rest of the humans these demons captured. But I had to have faith, even if it was forced.

I knew however, that it was going to be too late for me even if Yusuke did come. I was as good as dead and if I did come out alive…I understood that I would be forever changed. I couldn't have been more right for even now my opinions of death and what is deemed as right and wrong are different due to this moment.

I remember feeling numb and like I was trapped inside of a horrific nightmare as the demon chained me to a stone wall. I'm sure it cut into my wrist but I couldn't feel its bite. My eyes were wide open though everything looked frayed and like an old movie. I had locked myself away.

"You do know that I am going after her next, right?"

The voice was cruel, cold and so deep that I could feel it through the walls. A tall man walked from the dark but I find that I do not remember the way he looked. All I saw and can see in my mind is bright silver orbs peering into my eyes from the shadows so coldly that it hurt. I felt like I was burning from the inside out.

This moment in time is hard for me to re-encounter. I believe that the trauma still affects me for even now I shiver and cry, the fear coming to life once more though I know that it is something I must get out. It's been 60 years since I have allowed myself to remember. But that doesn't mean that I had forgotten, just simply suppressed.

"Fuck you," I spat to the man in the dark but he simply chuckled, amused at my anger and foolish attempts at bravery. He viewed me as pathetic and weak and with his cold eyes he was mocking me and my humanity. He only saw me as a pest he had to get rid of as quick as possible.

"Sorry, but I am saving myself for Yusuke's whore."

I am not too sure what happened after that, the silver eyes suddenly taking up my whole vision as I was soon overrun by unbearably pain. My face trashed from side to side as I screamed. I felt my body become drenched in warm liquid, and I know now that it must have been blood. All I could feel was a sharp pain, my stomach, arms, legs, it all began to blend and soon it was everywhere. I felt like I was being stabbed, I felt like I was burning and I felt like I was suffocating. I was dying and no one was coming to save me.

Oddly enough I was okay with that. Anything that would take away this pain being inflicted upon me.

**Don't speak such foolishness. Just hang on.**

_What? _I had questioned the voice, and for some reason it had sounded like a male. I knew that voice though it was vague and I found that I could barely even remember my own name. All I knew was the pain, that unbearable pain and I only wanted to let go.

**We are almost there. Count to ten.**

_Count…to ten? _I repeated but I received no answer, only a slight warming presence that I cannot quite explain.

_One._

All I felt was the pain, nothing but the burning pain.

_Two.  
_  
Keiko, I only hoped that she would be saved and live the life that she deserved.

_Three._

Mother, I couldn't help but picture her sunken face and shadowed eyes. I should have been there for her instead of turning my back when she needed me the most.

_Four._

Father, the picture I saw was only a mere memory of how he looked before he disappeared -cold and uncaring as he turned his back on his family. Something that I had picked up no matter how much I may have hated him.

_Five._

All I could see was blackening spots as my vision began to fade. My last breath was coming closer and Deaths hands were greedily reaching out to me. I wouldn't last much longer.

_Six_

There was screaming, cursing, smashing and flashes of lights, so many things happening but the only thing I was aware of was the pain.

_Seven._

I couldn't see, I couldn't think, but I still remained counting just as the voice said. It was the only thing keeping me grounded, so it seemed.

_Eight._

I wanted to hold my ears down just to block out the high pitch screaming.

_Nine._

It became silent, everything seeming like it stopped in time.

_Ten._

And then something was holding me, something warm and soothing as I drifted between life and death. It was an odd experience, knowing that at any minute I was going to die.

In my mind I was standing in front of a warm comforting fire. The smell of fire smoke was all around me, the warmth of the fire soothing my aches and warming my soul. Here I was numb to the pain. All I knew was the fire burning brightly in the darkness of my mind. That fire was the only thing keeping me from drifting too far down.

"She will live as long as we get her to Genkai."

I am not too sure who that voice belonged to but I remember hearing Keiko's crying in the background. I wanted to tell her that I was fine but I was paralyzed. The blackness began to spread, but the fire only seemed to burn brighter the more the darkness thickened. It was calling me to it, pulling me further into its light and away from Death that was lurking in the shadows.

The flames licked out, wrapping around me and casting me in its light. It acted as a shield, never touching, never burning but protecting me until I was in its center.

If not for the imagery fire I would have fallen victim to the darkness.

I wonder now if that fire was something I made up in a moment of desperation, or something that someone else created so I wouldn't fall down to the point of no return...

But how does that make any sense?

* * *

**A:N: I would like to thank Just 2 Dream of You, Shyaway 95, Anastacia Lynn , Kagome141414 and Bloodfever. It really means a lot that you guys liked the first chapter enough to follow my story but I would like to see reviews from all of you at some point. I like to hear what you have to say. It stokes my ego =D**

**Did anyone catch the whole fire in her mind bit? I wonder who It was that was communicating with her...I hope it's obvious. Since it's her story you only know what she does which I think makes it more interesting. You have to think about it. The next installment should be out next week.**


	3. Chapter 3

"It's time to wake up kid."

Light, voices, warmth, fogginess; I couldn't seem to get a grasp on anything solid as I slowly came to. I felt no pain, only numb and it was a strange sensation. It was like I was floating around with no ground under me and it felt like bliss to be apart from the universe that I now saw the darker side of –a side that no one was supposed to see.

Slowly I began crash down as I drifted further into consciousness, but once I hit the bottom my body erupted in ungodly pain. I moaned as I peeled my eyes open only to have old and oddly detached brown eyes staring down at me. Genkia, she had somehow pulled me out of whatever trance I was in. She appeared to be a little tired and worn. I had never seen her look so rough.

"You're lucky to be awake. Keiko filled us in on most of what happened. The current king of the Demon World has marked you and Keiko as a target and he won't be happy that the boys caught on and killed his brother."

I knew then that I wasn't dreaming. I had somehow survived, and oddly enough I wasn't sure how I felt about that. All of my guilt, all of pain was fading just as I was and for once I wasn't drowning in selfish jealousy. I felt at peace for the first time in my life and as cowardly as it may have been all I wanted was to get away and continue floating in oblivion. Before this point in time I had never realized just how screwed up I was.

I never realized just how lost I felt.

"Lily!"

Keiko was soon standing over me, tears falling from her eyes in rapid streams as she looked me over from head to toe. She began to cry harder and harder until finally Yusuke showed up and pulled her into another room, his face downcast and refusing to look at me.

"What's…wrong?" I choked out but Genkai understood what I was trying to say despite my choppy words.

"You're still in the healing process and your body is covered in wounds. Due to Yukina's healing powers you will be healed within the next few days but…there will be scars."

Scars…I only saw them as a reminder of when my whole life took a turn for what I had felt at the time was for the worst. Often when I go too long without thinking of my youth I run a hand over my right side where there once was a deep gash. It reminds me of not only the bad times, but of the good. It was real, and I am not crazy. This is what all of my scars tell me, though at the time I couldn't bear to look at myself straight without breaking down.

My face was left untouched besides a small scar on my cheek, but my stomach was not so lucky.

Days and nights passed and very faintly I could feel the activity going on around me. There were voices that I didn't recognize (still don't recognize), a female and a male, but I could not bring myself to open my eyes. Here is my dream world I felt nothing, remembered nothing and it was much easier to deal with than my contorted reality.

How was I going to get back to my everyday life with the horror I went through hanging over my head? I felt that it was much easier to lay on a simple futon, with no idea as to where I was, trapped in my dreams of white fog and nothingness. Was I haunted by the torture I went through or was I saddened by the fact that I did not die?

I had somehow grown darker and if possible even more detached. All I could do was bury it all deep inside and prey that in time it would go away. After all, how do you move on from something so unforgettable?

I slowly sat up and stared into the darkened room. I was in Genkai's temple and at the moment I was alone. I simply sat there, my body stiff and unmoving as I registered everything that up until this point seemed so unreal. Somehow I had been saved and I didn't know what to make of that when I was so sure that I was going to be a goner. I couldn't help but to look over my shoulder just to see if Death was standing behind me.

_This must be a cruel joke,_ I couldn't help but think. It just seemed so unlikely that I would survive something so horrible.

"Lily, I was so worried…"

Slowly I turned my head towards the entrance of the room. When my eyes fell on Keiko she seemed to flinch back from me. At the time I didn't see why as I slowly took in her messy state. She looked as if she hadn't been sleeping and instead staying up every night crying. Considering how bad she looked, I can only imagine how I looked.

"You're okay," I whispered to no one in particular, and to me my voice sounded like it came from someone else. It was soft, subdued, and unbelievably empty. All of that fire that made me who I was had been snuffed out and now I was but a dull simmer of who I used to be.

Seeing this Keiko kept her distance, no doubt thinking of our now meaningless fight and my selfless act for her. She had called me selfish; I could see in her eyes however that she no longer thought so. It was not every day that you have someone risk their life for yours, but now we didn't know where we stood. She saw a change in me and upon this change came a lot of questions. I practically saw it turning in her head.

Was I going to come out of this inhuman state?

Was I forever going to be haunted by the cruel reality of the world?

Will I be able to handle the truth?

I turned away from her and instead looked out of the window. The moon was peeking through the trees, showing me light inside of the darkness of the world. Yes, there is a lot of horror, betrayal and pain that makes up our existence, but there is also love, happiness and friendship that show us the way when the dark threatens to swallow you whole. I had never taken into count just how beautiful that was, not until I stood in the dead center of the storm.

The only way you ever see the true beauty hiding in the world is by seeing what makes it ugly. I think this was when I finally started taking into account all of the good things I have instead of only seeing what I don't have. I always catch myself when I start to forget and I did my best to make sure that my kids appreciated all that they have.

"You remember when our math teacher was caught having sex with her boyfriend on her work desk?"

It was quiet for a moment before Keiko burst out into hysterics. I did not laugh with her, my mouth refusing to do more than move up slightly as I listened to her uncontrollable laughter. It felt like my head was filled with cement and my eyes were burning with tears, but in this moment Keiko and I knew that everything was going to be okay. Maybe not the same, but we would survive.

No one but Keiko entered my room and I found that it was staring to bother me. In the few days I had been locked up in a random room in the temple I had barely seen anyone unless they passed by the room. They would glance quickly and then keep walking after a short hello.

Finally after days of being alone I pulled myself up, sick and tired of only having myself as company while everyone else continued on with their lives. It hurt to move but not as badly as it should have. If anything my muscles were just stiff.

Slowly I walked out of the room and into the main temple area.

I scanned the empty room, noting that there was no one when for days I heard talking and banging around. There were blankets and futon's scattered around but nothing alive. I was alone. Oddly enough that was the last thing I wanted. I just wanted to hang around my friends and listen while they bantered back and forth like they always did. It hurt that they were nowhere in sight.

"They have been busy strengthening the barriers around the temple and the old woman said to not bother you."

I nearly jumped out of my skin as I looked around wildly. I knew that voice, and as he stepped out of the shadows, his crimson eyes faintly glowing in the dim lighting, I quickly forgot about my friends.

"I suppose that makes some sense..."

This was the first sentence that I had said since upon waking that had any real emotion in it. I was nervous to be in his presence with no one around. His eyes darkened in amusement and were intense as I gaped at him. He was giving me a sinful look that had my heart pounding as he leaned against the wall next to the darkening window. He crossed his arms and seemed to be assessing me though he gave nothing away.

I could only imagine what I looked like. My thick air was probably tossed all over the place, my eyes swollen and red and the only clothing I was in was a light sleeping gown that Keiko had helped me change into. I must have looked like I came out of a horror film because I sure felt like I did.

My body chose that moment to cause problems as my side began to erupt in pain like a spreading fire. I sucked in air through my teeth but remained standing there; staring at a demon I knew nothing about. He must have noticed that I was in pain but he didn't seem to care that I was bending slightly to the side.

As beautiful as he was, the only thing I saw of him was his temper tantrum he had at Yukina's wedding. Was he planning on killing me? Was he planning on eating me like I was a turkey sandwich? These were all of the things that were tossing and turning in my mind until…I remembered the voice in my head.

I couldn't stop the gasp from leaving my lips as I came to a realization. He was the one that spoke in my head and told me to count to ten. At the time I couldn't recognize the voice but now I knew. Hiei, he was the one that had saved me. As to how he spoke in my mind, I still have no clue. I had never asked him and he never bothered to go into detail.

I took a step closer to him, finding that any unease I felt in his presence was slowly disappearing.

"It was you."

I felt no need to elaborate. The only indication that he had heard me at all was the slight nod. His eyes seemed brighter as the room began to get darker, the Sun finally setting all of the way. He truly was like nothing I had ever seen before and silently he allowed me to just stand there like a moron.

Everything about him was dark and he seemed to cling to the shadows of the room. Or maybe the shadows clung to him. His eyes however were two different sets of fire beside the rather cold look that was covering the surface. I just knew that under the ice was a wild-fire ready to set flames to everything in its path. Suddenly I was feeling rather hot.

I didn't know what more to say to him but he must have been amused. Come to think of it there was a slight smirk tugging on one corner of his mouth, though at the time I didn't notice.

I cleared my throat as I blinked a few times and without a single word I turned around and headed towards the shower. The whole time his eyes were burning into my back and despite myself I was blushing. It didn't take me long to fall for him, though at the time I brushed it off as a simple infatuation. After all, what would someone like Hiei want with someone like me?

I didn't even play with the idea.

"Lily!" the room erupted all at once as I once more entered the main room in the temple.

I was showered, clothed and felt cleaner than I had in what seemed like weeks. It made me feel tons better but I found that all I could offer my friends was a weak smile and a stiff nod. They noticed, Keiko and Yusuke looking the most concerned, but they said nothing.

"Kuwabara." I was relieved to see the large carrot top man. I had been worried that something bad happened to him but he seemed just fine as he sat next to his wife. There was no sign of injury anywhere.

"Are you hungry? I have some stew in the kitchen if you would like some," Yukina asked kindly.

For a moment I stopped walking as I stared at Yukina. Her eyes were the same red as Hiei's but unlike his stoic expression hers were kind and caring. I still wonder as to why he didn't want her to know who he was. I didn't even see him in the room though at the time I didn't think much of it.

"I would like that," I said softly before sitting down on the floor. Truly I was not hungry but I didn't want anyone to worry about me. If they acted normal then I could act normal to. It wasn't very logical but at the time it was the only hope I had. That hope however was diminished the moment Yukina reentered the room and handed me a hot bowl of strew.

Everyone got into a discussion about the demons and why they were capturing humans. I stiffened, suddenly understanding why they left me in a separate room. I didn't want to hear about it. I only wanted it to be forgotten so that I could attempt to forget the unforgettable.

They had yet to figure out what the King was up to but in the cave Keiko and I were trapped in they found what appeared to be a science lab. It was possible that they were experimenting on the humans, a theory that belonged to some person named Koenma. I didn't want to listen but I couldn't help myself.

I wanted to know. I wanted to know why I was captured. It only served to anger and scare. I wasn't sure if I was scared of the demons or scared of the hatred that was bubbling under my skin.

"Lily, I have something for you. I figured that you would be going stir crazy since we are locked down at the temple as we plan our next move."

I turned my attention to Kurama who was watching me like a doctor would their patient. He knew what listening to them was doing to me though my reaction was not as obvious as the tears in Keiko's eyes. I couldn't help but think of all of those diseased, dying people and what they must have gone through every day. It was horrible. It must have been more horrible than what I was put through.

"Oh yeah? I didn't know we were on lock-down," I said softly, my voice still meek and unemotional. I was trying though, and seeing this Kurama smiled gently. He picked up a plastic bag and pulled out a large sketch pad and my expensive coloring pencils.

I nearly squealed in joy, my eyes no doubt brightening in delight as I jumped on the un-expecting demon and gave him the biggest hug I could muster. Drawing was my passion and hobby. Anything I felt that I couldn't express through words I drew. My art was everything I see and feel, and though my hands are hardly steady anymore I still sketch when the need arises.

I felt the chuckle in Kurama's chest as he patted my back gently. Now, I was not one for getting close to people, especially men, so needless to say this was the first time I had ever hugged Kurama. He didn't seem to mind though and waited patiently until I let him go. I think he understood that I was not quite myself.

I grabbed my sketch pad and box of coloring pencils from him and hurriedly rushed outside. I was aware of the group of people watching me in surprise but I didn't care. The moment I sat down on Genkai's front porch I began to draw the landscape with only a small lantern as light.

Before I knew it the light began to show in the sky as the Sun painted it with different oranges and pinks. It was a serene moment but I soon found that I was feeling tired. Not ready to go back inside I laid back on the porch, using my arms for cushions and closed my eyes. In this one moment everything was okay and demons were ten-thousand miles away.

That was exactly where I wanted them to be. I never thought that it was wrong for me feel that way though I never said it out loud. Despite that I don't think I would have been satisfied with a normal life though I wonder how different I would be if I had never met Keiko.

The next day I was snappy towards everyone I came across. I saw their careful looks when I passed by and I heard the conversation drop every time I was within earshot. They were waiting for me to freak out on them and instead I told them all to go fuck themselves and stormed out of the temple with my sketch pad as company.

Maybe they didn't deserve that kind of reaction but I seemed to have no control over myself. I tried, I really did, to keep my cool and see things through their eyes. Keiko was struggling and she didn't even go through what I did. Genkai had to make Keiko a special tea so she would sleep yet I seemed to be handling it better. Everywhere I turned there was either a depressed Keiko or demon talk.

They thought that I was hiding it all inside and compressing it. They thought that I was having a harder time than I let on and that I was forcing myself to act normal.

They were right but that was how I come to terms with things. If something is too much to take in all at once than I take it in small bits. I am still taking it in small bits. I know that I will never fully be over what happened. I don't blame them for tiptoeing around me though I would have preferred it if they didn't. I don't think I would have been so short-tempered if they acted normal.

The sun was shining and the air was cooler than it was supposed to be as I wandered further away from the temple. I knew to not go too far however, for Kurama told me that creatures lurked in Genkai's forest so I settled up against the first tree I saw. After a moment I just sat there, basking in the warmth of the Sun as I watched nature react to the gentle breeze.

A storm was coming in from the distance; I could taste it in the air. I couldn't help but snort at how painfully clique that was. Calm before the storm indeed. It seemed like hours that I sat under the tall swaying tree as I watched the storm start to roll in. My mind was blank and oddly at ease as the sky slowly darkened to an angry dark grey.

I smiled, loving the way that it seemed to dominate the bright blue sky so fiercely. To my artistic mind it was dangerously beautiful as I watched lightening begin to strike against the sky. It was moving art.

I stood up from the ground and walked a little further from the tree. My hair was whipping violently around my head and the chill in the air seemed to seep right through the purple sweater I was wearing (I had to borrow clothing from Yukina). I closed my eyes and pushed everything far away from me. I waited with a bated breath for the rain to start pelting down.

"Hn, I thought humans didn't like bad weather."

I jumped and turned my head towards the voice that despite saying a short sentence sounded disdainful. I narrowed my eyes at the tall, dark demon as he examined me with indifferent crimson eyes. It was obvious that he didn't care for people, crowds and most definitely humans. He was an aloof character but I could understand his condescending thoughts towards the human race. I really was no better. Actually I was worst because unlike him I was a human. It's not healthy to despise your own race.

With that in mind I sighed, my glare changing into what I imagined was a rather defeated look. That was how I felt, but as to why I showed it in front of Hiei was beyond me. I didn't even want to hide how I was feeling from him. For some reason I wanted him to know. Maybe it was because I knew that he was different from the others. He wouldn't look at me with sympathy because quite frankly, he didn't care. While that would bother most people I only found it to be comforting.

"It depends on the human. Personally I find it beautiful," was my soft reply as I turned my face up towards the sky again. He said nothing more and for a moment I thought that he had disappeared.

I turned my attention towards the tree he was standing beside and was surprised to see him still there, watching me but still looking completely remote. His eyes were cool and his body lax but still…he remained standing there, not saying a word.

The trees behind him were swaying dangerously and it was beginning to become even colder but I didn't seem to feel it much. The image I was viewing was beyond anything I had ever seen before. His hair was swaying, his black clothing restricting against his firm body due to the wind. The grey clouds behind him made him look like a shadow as he stood in the shade of the trees. But again were those eyes that always seemed like two fires no matter how indifferent he appeared. Did he always have that look in his eyes? I couldn't help but to wonder that among other things.

I turned my face towards the sky once more as the rain began to fall rapidly. It was swaying to the side due to the harsh winds and in a matter of seconds I was soaked. Neither of us said a word and neither of us bothered to shield away from the rain. I pushed those questions aside and basked in the silent company that he gave me. It was exactly what I needed.

I didn't even bother to ponder on why such an aloof, solitary person would seek me out twice when he didn't even hang out in the temple with his friends. Hiei is truly an enigma and I doubt after all of these years that has changed. He wouldn't be Hiei if he were any different.

By the time I was ready to go inside Hiei was gone. I didn't even hear him leave. I looked around for a moment, my hand shielding my eyes as I looked for where he might have disappeared to so suddenly. Finally I gave up when the rain began to sting.

The next day I couldn't seem to stop sneezing. I didn't mind it though. I felt cleansed and better than I had in a while. I slept soundly and woke up in a much better mood which I am sure was appreciated to all of those in the temple. I spent the day hanging out with Yukina and helping her clean the Temple. This was the first time I ever really spent alone time with the gentle demon. Sometimes I forgot she even was one. I suppose she was too much like a human for me to see her as a demon. Yukina and I knew of one another but we weren't that close. It was nice to actually have a conversation with her.

Around nightfall everyone, myself included, gathered in the main temple area. I knew what they were about to discuss for the air was thick with tension (more so than the other times). Regardless I remained in my spot; positive that I could handle it now that I was slowly becoming myself once more but Keiko didn't seem to be faring so well.

When they decided that they were going to start training for an all-out war she broke down and ran from the room. Yusuke, moved to go after her but Genkai stopped him short, her head shaking lightly as the room fell silent. I had heard about the things that the group went through before me but this seemed different. I never heard of them having an actual war.

"What about me?" Kuwabara asked after five minutes of silence.

"You can't go to the Demon World stupid. You got to stay here," was Yusuke's moody reply. He kept fidgeting on the floor.

Kuwabara's mouth opened -no doubt to yell about how he was not stupid and how he wanted to help.

"You are needed here. Who's to say that there won't be any danger in the Human World? There will be demon's here that are going to go after your loved ones. He is going to count on you guys putting all of your efforts on beating him and restoring order. Odds are he is counting on a war."

I was perfectly still as everyone turned towards me. I looked over both of my shoulders in confusion, my face no doubt comical before I realized that I expressed my thoughts out loud. That would explain why everyone looked so surprised.

"That is a really wise assumption. I was just thinking that myself," Kurama said gently from my right.

"Yes, Lily made a damn good point. The few people who know of demons will be easy to protect. We will just have everyone gather here at the temple while you are fighting, but those who are ignorant will need to be protected from the shadows. Perhaps Koenma will be able to help with that." Once Genkai finished she gave me a respectful look. I couldn't help but to smile at her. To have Genkai's respect meant a lot.

She was a powerful physic in her day and even now is still powerful. She is one person who you don't want to be on the bad side no matter how old she gets.

"Lily, you may be weak but you're kind of smart. I expected that from Kurama but not from you. I think you want world domination or something. It would explain a lot," Yusuke joked but he still remained fidgeting. I felt bad for him because I could see how badly he wanted to find Keiko. His eyes kept flickering towards the door and were coated in worry.

I rolled my eyes as I stood up and nodded in the direction that Keiko went in as the others continued to plan. He smiled gently and nodded in thanks before he turned his attention back to the others. I didn't want him to be distracted because I knew how much they needed Yusuke's full attention.

As I began to exit the room I noticed that Hiei was standing by the doorway. I felt my heart beating frantically in my chest as I got closer but I continued looking forward. I didn't even know that he was behind me the whole time.

When I brushed past him I could hardly breathe. I didn't touch him but I didn't need to in order to feel the heat radiating from his body. It seems like I was always feeling overheated when around Hiei. I quickly pushed that aside and tied up my hair so that I could cool off.

When I found Keiko she was sitting on the back porch and staring blankly into the night sky. I knew Keiko feared for Yusuke, it nearly killed her when he left last time, but I couldn't really sympathize with her so it left me with no true way of helping her. I was also uneasy about saying anything since the last time I tried to help it didn't go so well.

So I decided the silent approach would be the best. I sat down on the steps next to her and felt her move slightly so that she was closer. Before I knew it she was leaning on me crying, mumbling about dying humans and how demons have ruined her and Yusuke's life. I found it odd that it was I comforting her when I was the one who was tortured and had never experienced anything like this before. I was ignorant all of the times the world was in danger. How was it that I could handle it better?

I guess it was because I hadn't been dealing with it since I was 14. I wasn't as worn down as she was.

I knew I was frowning as she began to cry harder and harder until she was on the verge of passing out. She was gasping for breath and clinging to me like I was the breath she so desperately needed. It…bothered me to see her like this. Where was the strong-willed Keiko I knew? It was like she was a whole other person.

"Keiko," I said softly as I gently pushed her away from me so I could see her red face.

She wouldn't look me in the eye.

"You are the strongest person I know. How come you are having such a hard time dealing with this? Is there something you're not talking about? Did something happen…when I wasn't there?"

By the way she flinched I knew that she understood what I was saying. When that demon dragged me away, who was to say that they didn't go and do something to Keiko? I had never really thought about that and with the way that she was acting it seemed like a good possibility.

But when she began to shake her head that idea was squashed immediately.

"I heard you screaming…and I couldn't do anything to stop it. It was horrible and…it was because of me. I dragged you into this and I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry."

When she began to cry again I was too shocked to even register it. It never occurred that she might have heard me and that she would feel accountable for my involvement in the first place. I was touched and a little guilty that she felt guilty when it truly wasn't her fault. I knew what I had gotten myself into, maybe not completely, but I chose to remain friends. Despite that I said nothing as I allowed her to cry on my shoulder.

I don't think it would have mattered either way. Keiko was breaking and I didn't know if she was going to ever be okay. That thought worried me because I knew that it was about to get much worst.

I didn't know who was going to break first -me or Keiko. I only hoped that the damaged could be reversed when all of this was said and done. I don't think any of us knew just how bad it was about to get.

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**A:N: I would like to once again thank all of you who have reviewed, messaged, or added my story to your favs. That really means a lot to me and I hope that you continue to follow this story as it moves along. I was going to get this out Yesterday but I wanted to make sure that it was close to perfection first before I posted it. I was busy with moving but I didn't make you wait too long =] Chapter four will be out next week during the week-end. Please continue to review for it makes me happy.**-


	4. Chapter 4

**I would like to thank Ozzy1313, Kagome141414, Loving Tea, Just 2 Dream of You and nanisan1955 for reviewing/messaging. You guys kick ass!**

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The moment I walked into my apartment I was filled with unease. Someone had cleaned up but my kitchen looked odd. All of the dishes I had in the white plastic draining board were no longer there. It was empty. Bleach stung my eyes and made me sneeze a few times. It just didn't feel like my home anymore. It felt like a memory I couldn't quite remember.

I was hungry but I didn't want to enter my kitchen for fear that I would have a flash back and remember more than crashing and screaming. So instead I picked up an apple scented candle and turned my head away from the kitchen as I lit it and set it down on the counter.

I quickly walked into my room, not feeling safe there either, and grabbed a sheet, a blanket, and a box of thumbtacks before heading back towards the main room. I threw the blanket on the ground by the couch before grabbing a chair from the tiny dining room.

I lifted the sheet up in one corner, having to stand on my tiptoes as I stuck the thumbtack through. I then went to the other side and did the same thing though the sheet didn't quite fit the length. When I stepped down from my chair I grumbled at the new level of pitiful I had just reached. The light blue sheet was completely crooked, but it did hide most of the kitchen. That to me was all that mattered.

"What are you doing woman?"

I must have jumped ten-feet in the air as I spun around. For some reason that I didn't know, Hiei was standing by my window. He was smirking, but then looked behind me and to the sheet hanging from the wall. However, he said nothing, not even when I backed up to my door to see if he had somehow gotten in through there. It was locked.

"Um, what are you doing here Hiei? Why aren't you back in Demon World?" I completely ignored his question but he simply turned his attention back to me, obviously not caring if I answered him in the first place.

"Hn."

I blinked and waited for more…but he said nothing. I couldn't believe it, a simply grunt was the only answer he was willing to give me. It enraged me beyond belief and unfortunately for me I had a quick tempter. When I was around Hiei that was the only time when I felt like myself. I don't think that was exactly a wise thing since I tended to be a bit negligent and at times thoughtless. Those were only some of the things that made him despise Kuwabara though I didn't realize it at the time.

"Seriously?" I hissed as my eyes narrowed. "I think I deserve to know why you are in my fucking apartment!"

I was seething and ready to pull my hair out while he was leaning against the wall watching in amusement. My temper entertained him and that only served to anger me more. I didn't like that he showed up in my apartment without my knowing. It scared the hell out of me. All I wanted was to feel safe in my own home again.

It seemed like the thing that attacked me was waiting to get me alone and Hiei's sudden appearance only fueled my paranoia.

The dark amusement in his eye faded and suddenly he was looking very intense. I felt my anger melt away as my body suddenly went stiff. It was hard to breathe with him looking at me like that.

I often forgot how much stronger he was than me but it was in these moments when I remembered. The power that was swimming in his eyes seemed much too large to be confined under his skin.

"I was asked to watch over you."

My eyebrows raised high up on my head as I stared at him in surprise. I wasn't expecting to hear that. When Genkai told us that we could go home and to just be careful I simply thought that everyone forgot about me. Keiko had Yusuke, Kuwabara and Yukina had each other, and Kurama had to protect his family. That was partly why I was acting so afraid.

But Hiei had been around the whole time, and when he saw what I was doing with the sheet he decided to not only silently laugh at me, but to make himself known as well. I'm not sure if he figured out how afraid I was and that was why he chose this moment to make himself known or if he had other intentions, but it didn't matter to me. It was nice to know that someone had remembered that I had no protection.

It was nice to know that I wasn't completely forgotten.

"I am surprised that you're following through. Did they offer you something in return?"

He narrowed his eyes, something dangerous flashing through them though I didn't understand why. To me he didn't seem like he would do a good deed and get nothing in return. The fact that it angered him was shocking…and frightening. I didn't mean anything by it. All I wanted was to know why he would waste his days and nights watching over me, a simple replaceable human.

"Hn, don't presume to know me woman. I don't have to explain my actions to you."

My mouth opened slightly but nothing came out. He was being rude and seemed testy for some reason, but there was just no telling with Hiei. After a moment of silence I sighed and pushed my hair off of my shoulder. He was giving me the evil death glare of doom and it was quite frightening.

"Well, for whatever reason you agreed to protect me and I…"

He was gone.

I stomped my foot in irritation at the abrupt disappearance that he made while I was talking. Did he wait until I began to speak just to piss me off, or did he simply not want to hear what I had to say?

Both are a possible reason, but I find that I will never know for sure.

I shook my head in frustration as I went and to lie down on my couch. Hiei must have used the window because it was left open, but I didn't bother to close it. I knew he was still somewhere around and with that in mind I pulled my blanket over me and slowly fell asleep. I no longer felt so afraid and I slept peacefully knowing that somewhere close crimson eyes were watching.

The next day I dressed to go to work, unsure of how Brandon will handle me disappearing for a week. It made me nervous but I decided that the only way to handle this was head on. Though I had no idea what I was going to say I figured I could come up with some crazy story. Obviously I couldn't tell him the truth.

What made me nervous wreck however was the fact that I tended to exaggerate everything I say when I am lying through my teeth. I can never just say something vague, simple and believable. I wasn't gifted with the ability to lie on the spot. Something Yusuke found out when we decided to eat all of Keiko's freshly baked cookies. Ever since then he made sure that we had a cover story when there was a chance of an angry Keiko.

I walked in the building, my high heels sounding way too loud to my ears as everyone I passed looked at me with sympathetic looks. Needless to say I was very much surprised when I entered Brandon's room and he pulled me into a tight hug before I even spotted him. Even though he was warm and smelt like grass I pushed him away. His blue eyes were soft and sad, though I knew not the reason. There was no way he could know the real reason why I had pulled a Houdini for a week.

"Your Aunt called and told me what happened. I'm sorry that your mother almost overdosed on pain killers. You did the right thing by putting her in rehab."

"What?"

That was the only thing that I could manage to say, because quite frankly I didn't recall any of what he just said actually happening. To make it even more eerie I didn't know of any Aunts I may have had. My mother had an older brother and my father…well I don't know about him but I doubted he was involved.

"I know it must have been hard Lily but it needed to be done. I remember when she picked you up from school that one day and she couldn't even stand and almost ran over half of the school."

When that happened I was no longer bothered at school because the kids thought that I would get her to run them over. That was when my bad attitude began to develop.

I suppose I found pleasure in the fear I saw in the children that used to pick on me every time they caught my eye. The tables were turned and I took full advantage. Unfortunately it set me up for a spiral down the wrong side of the mountain. It's never wise to become what you hate.

"Um, which Aunt called you?" I asked uncertainly. Brandon miss took it for being upset over what happened. I could tell because he began to frown softly as he twitched forward like he was going to pull me into a hug again. He thought better of it and put his hands in his pockets.

"She said her name was Boton. She was a strange one to." Brandon shrugged as he turned away from me and began to walk over to his desk.

"Right," I mumbled before pushing it all aside for later. Someone had come up with a cover story and forgot to tell me, but I was too overwhelmed and was getting a headache. It was just too weird.

"Here," Brandon said as he held a white envelope out.

I mechanically took it from him before walking over to my office beside his. Inside of the envelope was a stack of papers that I had to sort out and a random paycheck. Even though I wasn't there for a week Brandon still paid me my usual amount. I sighed before setting my head on the wooden desk. Already it was too much to handle.

I had heard the name Boton before but for some reason they never seemed to get too into the role she played in their lives when I was around. I knew that there were some things that I didn't know, but I never pushed it because I felt that I already knew my fair share of secrets. Really I knew more than what was healthy.

I shook my head and sighed before getting to work. I already knew that today was going to be a long day from hell, but the calmness of my job was exactly what I needed to empty my mind.

Around lunch time there was soft knocking on my door. I was so wrapped up in my work that I didn't even notice when the door creaked open and someone sat in front of my desk. I did however notice when a brown bag dropped in front of me followed by a heavenly smell.

"Relax Lilly. You have been working none stop since 9:30."

I jumped and by the amused look on Brandon's face, I didn't hide my surprise very well. I was still jumpy and at this point a kitten could scare me if the timing was right. I looked away from him and instead examined the object on my desk. My belly began to growl as I pulled out a giant cheese burger and fries.

I glanced up at Brandon and saw him watching me, almost like he was waiting for something and preparing himself. I frowned as I realized that he was waiting for me to grunt a thanks and then the moment he turns his back push it in the trash. It was in this moment that I felt unbelievably sick of myself and everything that I had become.

Here was this man, a person who had been my friend since middle school who didn't even allow high school to separate us though I never once reached out to him. When I had no job he offered me one and every time I was down he tried to cheer me up. I couldn't find one good reason as to why I treated him the way I did.

No other reason besides my own insecurities.

"Thank you Brandon. I didn't eat dinner or breakfast this morning," I said softly before popping a fry in my mouth.

He was silent for a moment, his face oddly blank before he smiled his crooked smile and leaned back in his chair. He looked like a kid with that carefree expression on his face. I had pleased him and I couldn't help but smile at how happy he looked over my simple action.

"No problem."

I was silent as Brandon filled me in on everything I missed while I was at the temple. I couldn't help but to chuckle as he wildly explained an argument that happened between the two desk clerks. I never noticed before how smooth of a talker Brandon was. He didn't mind that I didn't say much, he filled in the silence with gentle chatter before looking at the time and going back to his office.

Before I knew it the clock struck six and it was time to head home. I felt oddly at peace while I drove through the angering traffic. I even let a few people get in front of me instead of cutting them off. A normal day was indeed exactly what I needed but the moment I ended up home my good feelings disappeared.

I tried Yusuke and Keiko's phone for the fourth time before hanging up. I didn't want to be in my apartment all by myself. I had only been home for thirty minutes before I began to feel panicked and trapped. You can only have a decent day for long before the monsters crept up behind you and ruined it.

It just so happens that my monsters were real and because of whom I was acquainted with they wanted me dead.

I tried their phone one more time before screaming in frustration and throwing the phone away from me. I couldn't understand why they wouldn't answer. I knew that Keiko was home and I didn't see her leaving the house all that often. However, it was possible that she wasn't home and with a deep sigh I calmed myself and tried to think over my options.

The way I saw it I only had two. Sit on the couch and act like a frightened child or get up and reclaim my home.

"What the hell," I mumbled before getting up and carelessly ripping down the sheet that blocked my kitchen. I would be lying if I said that I didn't think that there was going to be the man with the silver eyes standing on the other side. Naturally there was nothing but my deserted kitchen.

I made myself a small dinner and made a little extra for Hiei, but when I went to lie down and go to sleep I gave up on him making himself known. I food went cold and untouched.

After a few days I really began to fall into what I know now is depression. No one got a hold of me and no one ever returned my phone calls. I thought about driving over to Keiko's but quickly pushed that aside. I felt that if she didn't want to return my calls than maybe she didn't want anything to do with me.

On top of that Hiei was nowhere to be found and the food I made him each night was always there the next morning. I felt alone and forgotten. I knew that they were all keeping contact with each other, but here I was, trapped in my apartment all by myself with no way of knowing if everyone was okay.

On the fifth night I cried myself asleep as I finally gave in to my sadness. I had become dependent on them but when I needed them the most no one was there. I hated that I felt so lost and pathetic. When you go to having no one to having people who care and then back to having no one, it can become rather emotional. It's hard to go back when you know what it's like to be cared for.

That next day was my day off so I spent the day cleaning and doing laundry. My throat hurt, my eyes were swollen and I barely wanted to get out of bed but I made myself get up. I knew that the others had their own problems but they still had each other. It bothered me how easily I was cast aside.

That was why when I phone began to ring I simply stared at it until the last second.

"Hello," I said dryly as I sat my basket full of clean clothes down.

"Hi Lily, how are you doing?"

I was silent for a moment before my eyes began to get wet with tears though they didn't fall. Out of everyone it was Yukina who thought to call me -the one person out of the group that I spoke to the less and knew less about me.

"I'm okay."

She was silent for a moment. I don't think she believed me but she didn't say anything more.

"That's nice to hear. Keiko isn't faring so well. She won't sleep or eat so Yusuke had to take her to Genkai. That is where I am calling you from actually. I figured you would want the number."

I frowned and sighed quietly as I put my head in my hands. After the night that Keiko cried on my shoulder at the temple I thought that maybe that was all she needed, to know that I didn't blame her for what happened. It seemed to me like everything was falling apart and it killed me to not have the power to do anything. I felt weak.

"Have you heard what the plan is yet?"

I knew Yukina would know that I was talking about the upcoming war.

"Nothing of any real importance, but the boys already has people to fight on their side. We just have to hope that it's enough."

Hope wasn't something that I was good at -not when it seemed so hopeless and unreal.

"Right, well I guess I'll let you get back to Kuwabara. If Keiko gets worst then call me and let me know."

"I will. Goodbye Lily."

I sighed once again as I hung up the phone. I left my clean clothes in their spot as I went in my room to put on something other than a large tee-shirt and shorts. I didn't feel like sitting in my apartment all by myself on my day off, so I decided to walk the few blocks to the park down the street and get some fresh air.

Rather or not Hiei was around I just didn't care anymore. I couldn't find it in myself to strike any real emotion other than trapped because that was how I felt. I couldn't stand looking at the same walls anymore and the day was beautiful. I just wanted to turn back time and have it be the way it was before Keiko and I got captured.

It seemed like hours that I sat on the swing set and watched the sky darkening with each passing moment. I knew that it was unwise for me to be at a deserted park at night but I felt too at peace. I didn't want to live in fear, be depressed and always looking over my shoulder for some unknown force. Where was the Lily that didn't need anyone to survive?

I was determined to bring some of her back.

I glanced up and almost stopped breathing when I saw a shadowed blur move across the trees. I knew that blur though and I couldn't help but to smile slightly when Hiei formed in front of me. My smile quickly faded when he brought out his sword.

I found myself falling backwards off of the swing just as something bright flashed which was soon followed by a deep gasp and then silence. I blinked and moaned slightly as I removed my feet from the swing and stood up. I was sure I had mulch in my hair but I too concerned about my aching butt.

Hiei sent me a sideways glance before once more taking a defensive stance. I knew what was happening. We were under attack and with that in mind I began looking for something to protect myself with. To my right I could hear Hiei battling but I was too afraid to look.

When I decided to however I saw Hiei spin around and look behind me with annoyance in his gaze. I knew then that something unwanted was behind me. It seemed like slow motion as I quickly bent down to pick up a long, thick stick.

"I am not a turkey sandwich!" I screamed before I quickly spun around with my eyes closed and with all of my might hit the thing standing behind me. I felt the stick snap in my hand which gave me a few painful splinters, but at the time I really didn't care too much about that.

When it continued being silent I peeked open an eye and jump back with a small squeal when I saw the thing lying at my feet. It was grey, thin, skinny and looked…diseased.

"Oh my god," I whispered as my hand covered my mouth in horror. I took a few steps back away from the thing as realization dawned on me.

"Hiei, those are…humans," I whispered as I fought the urge to throw up. It was a sickening sight looking at something that could have been you.

Its face had no emotion, not even pain and its eyes were pure white. Its skin was wrinkled in a way that no old person could be. It looked like the skin was coming off of the bones and it smelt like what I imagine bombing fluids smelt like.

"It's a message. This is his plan -to make every human his slave."

I dropped the broken stick and turned towards Hiei who oddly enough was watching me instead of the dead thing at my feet. I felt myself calm slightly at the apathy in his eyes. He seemed strong and unaffected. He merely took it for what it was instead of becoming consumed by needless worries and fears.

He knew that at the current time that there was nothing we could do but wait and I tried to think along the same lines. It was difficult knowing that this thing was once a person with a family and friends. I couldn't even tell what gender it was.

"I suppose I'll just…go back home," I said softly before turning on my heel and heading down the sidewalk.

I was surprised when Hiei began to follow me, his hands in his pockets and his head turned away from me and to the side. He was about two steps behind me and seemed a little put off at the slow pace. I don't know why he chose to walk with me when he could have just jumped across the buildings.

"They're more than the few that attacked," he said blandly but I didn't mind his tone of voice. I mouthed an "oh" and continued walking at my leisurely pace though I think that there was more to it than that. Up until this point he protected me from the far. He proved that he was more than capable.

"Hey who is Boton?" I questioned after a moment of silence.

"Hn, a moron."

I snorted in amusement and just dropped it. It really wasn't that important to me. The demon walking behind me seemed to be all I could concentrate on as we walked the few blocks to my apartment. There were a few rough-looking men that we passed on the way but I wasn't concerned. They took one look at the demon behind me and quickly walked away.

I could not have felt any safer.

When I approached my apartment Hiei had suddenly disappeared. I couldn't stop the slight pain in my heart at his random disappearance, but I also couldn't justify why I felt that way so suddenly. I didn't really believe in love; especially "love" that forms when you hardly know a person. To me I just saw it as a deadly infatuation, but I couldn't deny the feelings I felt when I opened my apartment door and saw Hiei standing by my living room window.

My heart felt like it was floating and the only thing I could think about was why he had met me here. He simply glanced at me, not giving any explanation before somehow sitting on my windowsill with one knee bent in front of him. It was a rather large window but I never considered my wide windowsill a seat. Regardless he seemed rather comfortable and was back to ignoring me.

I didn't understand at the time what Hiei's actions meant. I had so much going on in my life that I never considered why he seemed to seek out my company versus everyone else's. Why I can't say that I know what Hiei was thinking, I can say I know him enough to understand that it's the small things that say the most.

I was naïve his silent interest though and if I had been any the wiser to his behavior than I think he would have kept his distance a little more. He took advantage of my ignorance and allowed himself to enjoy my company without my knowing what he was doing.

He was watching me as I moved around and prepared steak for us both, and he continued watching me as finished up my laundry and went about my business. Once the steak was done I walked over to my couch and sat down my plate before handing Hiei's his. I don't know why but I had the feeling that Hiei would want his steak medium rare, or would at least prefer it over everything else.

So when he took the plate and looked me straight in the eye with a strange expression I merely blushed and told him that he could have mine if he wanted his more cooked. I felt bad and embarrassed that I didn't ask him first. I didn't even know if he ate human food.

"Hn." Was his only reply before he took the plate from me and continued to ignore me once more as he turned towards the window. I sat down on my couch and put on a random show before starting to eat. I could hear Hiei eating as well and I couldn't help but to smile.

Sometimes I wonder if Hiei ever regrets getting close to me. Even if he does I find that I just can't tarnish the few memories I have with him. I don't think he ever thought that things would turn out the way it did between us. I know I never did. Sometimes when I think back it all seems so unreal but I could never forget.

I don't know when Hiei left that night. I had fallen asleep sometime after dinner and by the time I had awaked he was already gone with only his bloody plate in his wake. I wrinkled my nose in disgust before washing the plate and then getting ready for the day.

I was surprised when my phone started ringing but my good mood quickly disappeared when I heard the damaged woman's voice on the other end.

"Lillian, is that you? Why do you sound like a grown woman?"

I was silent as the raspy voice traveled through the telephone. There was once a time when that voice gave me comfort, though every time I was quickly denied of it. My mother was never there when I needed her and when she was I quickly wished that she would disappear. It's a shame when a child thinks that of her mother, the person who is supposed to protect you from all of the horrible things in life –the person who is supposed to be there no matter what you do or look like.

It nearly killed her that I looked so much like my father. It nearly killed her that I was a spitting imagine of the man who threw her away like Yesterday's trash. My mother loved him, had married him though he wasn't loyal, and she was willing to do all it took to keep him. While I don't know the full extent I do remember hearing my mother crying at night when my father didn't show.

She knew what he was doing.

"That would be because I am a grown woman," I replied dryly.

She chuckled, "You're only nineteen."

I was silent for a moment. I could feel the tears forming in my eyes.

"I'm twenty-two."

"Right, right," she mumbled quickly. I couldn't hold the tears back anymore when I heard the cold undertone in her voice. She really didn't care how old I was which was why I never heard from her on my birthday. It was rare that I got a card and when I did it was always over a month late.

Every time I heard from her I always reverted back to that little girl who couldn't understand why her mother would always rather do everything else but spend time with her. I made sure that my children never had to go through the horrible feelings something like that can create. You never forget it.

"What do you want?"

I didn't blame Keiko for not understanding why I was the way I was with my mother. Her parents were the way that they are supposed to be, so she couldn't wrap her head around the concept of a mother not wanting her child, or simply neglecting that child because it was something else that she wanted instead.

I knew before she even spoke why she had decided to call me so suddenly. That thought tore all of my old wounds wide open. I truly felt that I was nothing to her.

"I'm a little tight on money and I need to borrow a few bucks. My landlord threatened to kick me out if I don't get him his rent money."

I snorted in anger, the tears still falling though it didn't take away from the rage in my voice. "I helped you out last time but I'm not doing this anymore. If you want a place to live than save your money, get a damn job and then leave me alone."

She was silent for a moment. "You know what, you're just like him. How could you turn your back on your mother? And after I fed you, clothed you and raised you single-handedly. You're nothing but an ungrateful bitch. I should have washed my hands clean of you a long time ago," and then there was a faint click before the line hung up.

I was stunned and hurt. It seemed like no matter how many time my mother said something to hurt my feelings it worked every time. It was a game that she liked to play and it used to work on me when I was a kid. I refused to give her what she wanted this time though her words killed me inside.

It's hard to understand why people do the some of the things that they do. Sometimes we think we know, but how well can you really know someone? I couldn't understand why my mother was the way that she was. How could a man be more important to you than your own child?

As someone who has been married and has children I find that I still can't understand my mother. Nothing to me is more important than my girls and grand babies.

But still I sat on the floor crying and thinking of all the things that I missed out on because of her. There were no dress shopping for school dances and no pictures taken for graduation. I couldn't help but blame her for everything that was so screwed up about me. It hated her for calling me so suddenly just to hurt me when I truly needed her the most.

The next week of work went by in a flash though I don't remember much of it. I was deep into a stable depression for more than one reason. The phone call with my mother was still fresh in my head and I found that every night before I fell asleep it would keep replaying like a broken record.

I also had yet to hear from anyone and hadn't seen Hiei in almost a week. I just couldn't seem to keep my emotions from flailing all over the place. It was Friday and I had just walked in through the door when I heard the phone ringing. Before I could even think I had answered.

"Hey Lily, Hiei is needed and the old hag wants you to come to the temple for the weekend."

I couldn't help but to smile when I heard Yusuke on the other line. He sounded tired and his voice was off but I couldn't seem to care. I was happy to hear his voice.

"That's fine I suppose. I'll pack a few things and then head on over," I said pleasantly as the last week quickly disappeared from my mind.

"Fine but she said, "Get the hell over here you slacker. Forget about your make-up because your face is just too damn ugly and not even plastic surgery can help." Her words not mine," Yusuke added before hanging up.

I scoffed and glared at the phone though a huge smile was playing on my lips.

"I'm sure," I mumbled, knowing that the last part Yusuke had added in. I laughed slightly as I hung up the phone before packing a small bag and then heading out.

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**A:N: Sorry this one is a little late. I have been busy moving into my apartment but I finally have most of it set up. Things are starting to pick up so make sure to stay tuned! I hope to see more reviewer in the near future =D**


	5. Chapter 5

**I would like to thank Just 2 Dream of You, nani san, Kisa19, Kagome141414, kungfupandabear, Jarolyn, Illusa, LovingTea and Ozzy1313 for your review/ messages. I truly appreciate you taking the time and I can't believe how well this story is doing. I was not even going to post it but I am glad that I did. Your reviews make me very happy and I love hearing from all of you, so don't be shy! I hope you enjoy this chapter. The next one will be...well, at the end of this one I think you'll know. The action will be coming soon!**

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On my way out of the apartment complex I noticed a few things that seemed rather…odd. I was so happy that I had finally heard from my friends that I overlooked the crying girl sitting in the parking lot, the angry man (who was my neighbor) getting ready to pound an equally enraged man's face in, and I even over looked the large amount of cussing and honking that took place on my drive to Genkai's.

Now as I stated before, I suffered from extreme road rage but I never stooped so low as to flick people off and almost cause wrecks out of my impatience (most of the time). While I noticed these rather unusual activities, I couldn't see it as something too out of the ordinary so I pushed it aside and quickly forgot about it the moment I reached the city limits and left the crowded part of Japan.

After that I was barely aware of the long drive to Genkai's and the tiring walk up the temple steps. This was the first time that I had ever done this trip myself. Unlike when I climbed it with Keiko it went by quietly but I missed her endless chatter.

It's funny really. I used to always hate it when Keiko would start giving me lectures about improving my life and about the mistakes that I kept on making again and again even though I knew better. But the one time when I finally got my wish to climb the steps in silence, I wished that she was there talking my ear off about Brandon and giving love a try.

Keiko and I were different. Hell, she was the only reason why I even graduated high school because I was ready to give up and run away. Keiko kept me together, supported me and she made the chaotic world make sense. There were times when Keiko was completely calm with me and it killed me that the one time she hurt me I acted like a child. It killed me even more that she wasn't around to make my life make sense when it was completely submerged in confusion. I missed everything about her, even her nagging and dry chicken.

You never really know how good you have it until it slips through your fingers and it seemed like the only decisions I knew how to make were bad (and lazy) ones. I was perfectly content living in a tiny apartment, working at a job I hated, and only having myself to hold late at night. All of the things leading up to the point where everything was slowly crumbling down around me was the best point of my life, but I couldn't see it until it was hanging on by a loose thread.

Though I didn't want to admit it, I knew that there was no going back. Nothing would ever be the same or remotely close to how it once was. I knew deep down in that unwanted part of my mind that I would never get the chance to climb the temple steps with Keiko again, and listen as she ranted about Yusuke or fussed about something I did. Like the one time I skipped school to go to the mall and ended up lost in the bad part of town.

A lot could have gone wrong but I thought that I was invincible. I know now that I am anything but.

I began to move as quickly as I could, anxious to get to Keiko and see how she was doing so that I could push away the feeling of foreboding. When I reached the stop of the stairs, ignoring the sweat on my brow and the ache in my feet I stopped in disbelief at what I saw. The confusion on my face was so deep that I could feel it twist and contort as I stood there and watched three of my friends come closer to me.

They had no intentions on staying and I felt myself starting to get angry, but the moment it was getting ready to overtake me I reined it in and plastered an astringent smile on my face instead. I saw Yukina frown but she seemed to be the only one who noticed my false act. I was never good a pretending to be calm when I really wanted to scream in irritation.

It was almost overbearing, like something was whispering angry, malevolent things in my brain.

"I'm glad to see that you look normal Lily. You got here just in time," Kuwabara said gruffly as he carried two bags over his broad shoulders. I assumed that one of those bags belonged to his little wife walking by his side.

Her smile was sad and melancholy which was odd to see on Yukina's sweet face. She was always so happy and cheerful. She looked as if she hadn't been sleeping due to the circles under her eyes and the shadowed look that was hindering just beneath.

My anger slowly melted away and instead was a dull simmer in the back of my mind.

Yusuke looked just as bad if not worst. His usually slicked back black hair was messy and knotted, and his eyes were dark, hollow and lacking the usual sarcastic glow that they always held. His clothing was wrinkled, his facial hair grown, his posture weak –I couldn't believe that this was the smart mouthed, bad-tempered, big-hearted Yusuke that I always seemed to be getting into fights with.

The first thing I noticed was that the redheaded fox demon was not with them. It seemed like Kurama had just fallen off the face of the Earth. He was no doubt doing his best at protecting his family or something along those lines. He didn't really share much with me but I never took it personally. He was always a distant character.

The second thing I noticed was Keiko was not with them. They were obviously leaving if their bags meant anything, but I couldn't imagine why they would leave Keiko at the temple. A lot had gone on while I was moping at my apartment and it seemed like everything had fallen apart beyond repair. I was proven right when Yusuke met my eye, a fake smile on his lips before he began to speak.

I will never forget the haunted look he failed at hiding and the strain that was in his voice.

"Would you mind watching over Keiko for a bit? I have some things to do and these two have to go to Shizuru's since she can't come here until a few days from now."

I frowned, "Sure but why exactly am I here to begin with?"

I saw Yusuke look behind me with a confused expression but I didn't think anything of it, so when he looked back at me and said, "Hiei has to go to Demon World for a few days," I simply accepted it and let them be on their way.

I had no idea what was going on half of the time it seems, but maybe that was a good thing. The things that I do know and am forced to live with are heavy enough to carry. I am quite glad for my dismissive attitude. There is no telling how many layers there really was with everything that was spinning around me. All I saw were blurs of the truth and a small taste of a reality gone wrong.

Compared to the others I had it easy.

When I entered the temple I was surprisingly met by Genkai. Her eyes were narrowed slightly, her indifference still in place though it was obvious that she was examining me. For what, I didn't know so I just stood there and looked down at the tiny woman who could beat me up with just her pinky (not joking).

"Have you been suffering from depression, anxiety, or anything remotely alike?"

I blinked a few times, my mouth no doubt dropping open in surprise. That gave her the answer she was looking for because she nodded once before continuing on.

"What about odd thoughts and feelings that you normally wouldn't have. Perhaps fear, jealousy, anger; anything that seems sudden and unlike you, which says a lot because you're an emotional little girl…"

I ignored the insult, the nagging in my brain just too strong for me to really register the last part. Everything that she had named I had experienced, but I just saw it as trauma to what I had gone through. But with the look that Genkai was giving me I knew that there was something more. There was a reason why I was suddenly asked to come to the temple and an even bigger reason as to why Hiei was leaving and Yusuke said he had matters to attend to.

I didn't see anything that I thought to be out of the ordinary but I could feel it. It was a dark presence that seemed to be crushing my mind and hanging over me. I briefly remembered my drive over to the temple, but I couldn't connect it with Genkai's questioning.

"Genkai," I said slowly, "do you know something about what's going on?"

Genkai was silent for a moment, her brown eyes as lethargic towards me as they always had been since she met me. I knew that she felt no connection to me –not like she did with the others. I was just another person taking up space to her, and that was why I was so taken off guard by her words that they still echo softly in my head when I'm feeling feeble.

"I always thought that you were a weak-minded foolish girl, who in reality was afraid of her own shadow -a lamb trying to live in a world full of lions and in result trying to be a lion. I was wrong. Out of you and Keiko it was always you that was the strong one and I want you to remember that."

I was stunned. I knew that Genkai didn't care for me but to say that I was a weak-minded foolish girl was more extreme than I had thought. But the last part of her sentence was what hit me the most. I never considered myself stronger than Keiko, not by a long shot. I hadn't been handling the situation as bad as Keiko but I felt that over time she just wore down.

It didn't make me stronger than her, and when I voice that to Genkai who decided she was done talking to me and began making her exit, she froze in mid step. She didn't turn around, merely placed her hands behind her back.

"I have been informed that you have seen the Demon World King's new creation, yes?"

She took my silence as her answer as I replayed the night at the park where I was attacked by human husks. It's a horrifying thing to remember and often is the inspiration to some of the nightmare that to this day I still have every now and again.

"Follow me," Genkai said gruffly as she began to head down a hallway.

"Where are we going?" I whispered as I began to feel nauseous and dizzy. It was difficult to follow her because it felt like I was going to retch and then pass out. I felt ill due to the amount of dread that was bubbling in my chest. Whatever it was that she was about to make me see, I knew that I didn't want to see it. Still my feet kept moving.

"Just shut up and quit dragging your feet. You're scuffing up my damn floor," Genkai huffed before opening one of the doors on the left and stepping aside.

I hesitated for a moment before taking a deep breath and entering the room, Genkai following behind me.

"I have been postponing it the best I can with special teas and herbs. It's been almost two weeks now since we assume that the virus was released into a huge chunk of Japan. We also assume that it takes about a week for each stage until the virus takes over completely."

Genkai's words were background noise to me though I heard every word. What really had my attention was the body lying in a comatose like state on the floor. To my sick amusement I realized that this was the room that I was cooped up in for a week about two weeks ago.

Now it was Keiko lying on the futon instead of me.

To my disbelief and horror her skin was pale and turning into a sickly grey color. Her brown hair looked rough and unkempt and she appeared to be shaking despite the sweat on her skin. I knew what this meant and I couldn't help but feel like I was better off wallowing in my pathetic insecurities. Instead I was facing reality.

I couldn't help but feel guilty about how I had been thinking up until that point. My thoughts as to why Keiko and the others weren't calling me were so shallow compared to the truth. I had no idea what was going on and now I was seeing the worst possible reason. I never even considered that something bad could have happened, even after the park incident.

"What are the stages?" I asked softly as I sat down on the futon that was lying by Keiko's. It was no doubt where Yusuke had been sleeping this whole time.

"Stage one is where you feel negative emotions. Stage two is where you start acting on those emotions and stage three is the final transformation. There is no going back once you turn all of the way," Genkai said from somewhere behind me.

"What stage…is she in?"

To be truthful I really didn't want to know the answer. I just wanted to open my eyes, be back home and in a time where you only saw these events in a novel. Keiko would call me and then she would drag me shopping and eventually talk me into spending the rest of the day at her parent's noodle shop helping.

Deep down I knew that it was only wishful thinking. I didn't have the life that I did as a teenager but I so desperately wanted to go back, back to before Keiko told me that demons existed. I wanted my ignorance.

"She just entered stage two though she should be in stage three by now."

My head spun around to stare at Genkai as I repeated her words to myself. I still didn't quite understand and I wasn't sure if I wanted to.

"But you said that the virus was released two weeks ago so why is Keiko supposed to be in stage three when…"

Genkai gave me a pointed look and I knew then that I just figured out the missing puzzle piece. Keiko and I were kidnapped three weeks ago and she was supposed to be in stage three but Genkai had been postponing it, trapping her in stage two instead. Three weeks ago we had been kidnapped…the answer was so obvious and if I didn't decide to sit down ten minutes before the unwanted revelation than I would have surly collapsed.

"She was already infected…when we got kidnapped and I…how come I…why?"

Despite my incoherent stuttering Genkai knew what I was trying to say. She moved her eyes towards the window, the Sun shine seeming so contradicting to what was taking place.

"You are infected to, but you have yet to reach stage two though you are very close. I'm sure you have noticed yourself acting more manic than normal."

Once more I ignored the hidden insult (for some reason she was insulting me more than normal) and instead focused on the main point of what Genkai was trying to tell me. It had been three weeks and I was only in stage one.

"How is that possible? Keiko is much stronger than me. How did she fall to it quicker than me?"

"Do you not recall my words to you earlier girl?"

I flinch back slightly. Genkai looked angry that I had even asked that question and there was annoyance practically leaving her ears through the appearance of steam. Genkai was always quick-tempered but she seemed oddly irritable. I was positive that it wasn't due to the poison. She was worried and that was a very bad thing.

Genkai was the icon of self-confidence.

"All you said was that I am stronger than Keiko, but that's not much of an explanation. That's more of an opinion."

Genkai snorted, "Than you explain how you're not even in the second stage and yet it's been three weeks give or take. With the way you compress your emotions and pretend there're not real you should have fallen to it as easily as Keiko."

I was dumbfounded as I tried to find an explanation.

"Maybe I'm not infected and just have a lot of emotional baggage," I offered with a shrug. That to me was more believable than what Genkai was insinuating.

"Why I don't doubt that one bit, you know as well as I do that you're infected. I know what Keiko looked like and you have that look. You're eyes are starting to become hollow, your skin is starting to become paler and you're not acting like yourself, so I'm sure you haven't felt like yourself since before you were captured."

"That's not true," I interrupted which earned me a glare from Genkai. "Most of the time you're right, I don't feel like myself. I'm sporadic and thinking things that I normally would never think but…there were times when I felt okay."

Genkai was silent for a moment as she examined me.

"Were you around a certain person or thing that brought you comfort and peace, or are you just talking out of your ass like you're known to do?"

This time I couldn't contain my irritation due to her insult after insult. She seemed like she was waiting for something but I only stared at her, my face showing my displeasure before I finally replied.

"I was. Every time I'm around Hiei I feel at ease and normal. He did speak in my head once. Maybe it had something to do with that."

Genkai's lips twitched downwards before they slowly pulled up into a half smile. I was a little startled because she really didn't smile all that often -not when I was around. That could have been because I was always causing trouble.

"How interesting. I was finally starting to see you as more than a girl with a bad temper and a loud mouth."

I snorted but smiled in response. I could hear the joking tone hidden within her gruff voice. For some reason she had liked what I said though I couldn't imagine why. I thought that it was a pretty valid idea.

"We should get you some of that special tea. Now that you're jackass fire demon is gone I don't want to risk you getting all maniacal and trying to hurt yourself like she did," Genkai said as she pointed her head towards Keiko who was still sleeping soundly.

Only when I examined her closely did I see the red claw marks that were violent red and looked fresh. It left little whelps all over her skin and once more I was overwhelmed by guilt. I swallowed it down when I saw Genkai watching me in alarm before standing up and following her into the temples kitchen.

I could feel it getting harder to contain my emotions (more so than usual) so I put up no fight when she handed me smelly dark tea that was thick and tasted tart. After that I went back to the room Keiko was in and stole Yusuke's futon. Keiko needed me more in that moment than she ever had before, so I sat there for hours telling her of Brandon, my mom and even the streak I made Hiei.

It was odd to have her not replying, but for once I told her everything that had been going on with me. As I spoke it felt like everything was lifting off of my shoulders and I found myself laughing, crying and expressing myself in a way that Keiko always wished I would because she felt that compressing your emotions were unhealthy.

When I looked over at her sleeping form once I finished talking and was beginning to get tired and sluggish, I was stunned at what I saw.

She was smiling.

When Monday came around Keiko was still asleep and I was once more not attending work. Shizuru, Yukina and Kuwabara had shown up Sunday night and Shizuru seemed to only be in stage one due to the tea Yukina had given her and Shizuru's own spiritual power.

When I first saw Shizuru I understood what Genkai meant when she said that she could tell in my appearance that I was infected. I may not have been able to see it in myself but I could see the slight change in Shizuru when I looked closely.

The tough woman was oddly silent, almost like a ticking bomb and the soft golden glow that was always on her skin was gone and replaced by light grey. Her eyes looked darker, the circles under her eyes more defined, and when she turned her attention to me it was like looking into the eyes of a lifeless doll.

When I looked in the mirror however all I noticed was the slight paling of my already pale skin (I stayed inside a lot). My eyes were already dark and I always had dark circles that I used to hide with makeup until I stopped caring. I didn't look all that different but Genkai saw it so it must have been there.

The situation seemed unreal but there was evidence all around me. Everything I saw on the way to Genkai's was proof that where I lived was at the beginning of the second stage, and maybe I was so blinded by the changes due to my own infection. It made sense and when I voiced that thought to Genkai she once more gave me her rare smile and shoved a cup of tea in my face.

I took care of Keiko and made sure that she didn't go hungry or thirsty. Genkai had put her in an odd state where she was sleeping but seemed aware of everything around her. It was the only way where she wouldn't hurt herself because according to Genkai, Keiko had fallen into a deep depression and then she randomly started screaming and trying to tear off her skin.

It was no wonder that Yusuke was a mess.

I often spent my days sipping on the disgusting tea outside of the temple away from Shizuru who I couldn't help but be weary of. I was also having a hard time due to the vivid nightmares that I kept having.

I dreamt of hunting down my mother and murdering her and then hunting down my father and doing the same to him. In my dream he lived in a big classic white house with a beautiful wife and a family of five -all boys because in my dream he never wanted a girl. My weapon of choice was never the same and I can't even remember much of it. All I remember was blood and screaming and the pleasure I felt at taking his life and his family's life.

Each time I woke up I was in a fit of rage and I was ready to play it out and hunt them down until I remembered that I did love my mother and my father was nowhere to be found.

After having that dream two nights in a row I began to draw in my sketch pad, letting out the anger that I had harbored for so long, and after that the dreams seemed to stop though I didn't understand why. That happened to be what I was doing when I heard a loud bang coming from the forest.

In movies this was the moment when the person goes and checks out the noise but then ends up getting brutally murdered due to their curiosity. I was kicking myself when I began to walk towards the forest that had demons of all kinds lurking within.

I stopped when I was right outside of the forest, my chest heaving in apprehension because even I could feel that there was something spooky about the forest and I could feel the creatures lurking within, watching me like I was their prey.

"I'm going to die a sorry virgin," I mumbled to myself as I pushed past the bushes and made my way into the forest. I could hear my sputtered breathing as I frantically looked around me, looking for any sign that I was about to be roasted and eaten alive.

What I found however was not what I had expected. My hand shot to my mouth in surprise and horror. I froze in mid-step as the figure kneeling down on the ground lifted their head and growled darkly at me before recognition registered in their feral eyes. The vibration from their growl seemed to enter my own body which made me shiver at the pure fierceness of it, but I was not afraid.

"Hiei, what's wrong?" I said quickly as I forgot about his demonic growl, the demonic forest and everything that I had discovered within that past few days. All I saw was Hiei kneeling in a puddle of blood which oddly enough matched his eyes, as he watched me approach him with no emotion.

When I reached him I fell to my knees in front of him and had to hold back the vomit when I spotted the huge chunk of skin that was missing from his chest. He did nothing to hide it or stop the blood, so I ripped off my sweater and did a pitiful attempt at making a bandage to stop the blood. The sweater wouldn't wrap around his wide frame and the yellow fabric was quickly soaked in blood. It did no good except ruin one of my favorite sweaters.

"Okay Hiei, we need to get you to the temple before you bleed to death or this gets infected," I said as the chill in the air seemed to sink right into my skin. When I made eye contact with Hiei I was quickly taken back by the light smirk on his face.

"What?" I questioned as I sat back on my heels. His eyes flickered down, something flashing through them too quickly for me to register before I followed his gaze.

"Oh!" I yelped as covered myself the best I could. I had forgotten that I only had a purple bra under my sweater, and now I was shirtless in front of a wounded demon in a demon filled forest.

I cleared my throat and stood up, Hiei's eyes carelessly following me the whole way and his smirk never wavering a bit. It was obvious that he was enjoying my discomfort and I did my best at hiding the blush I could feel heating up my cheeks.

"Um, will you be able to walk to Genkai's with that…wound?" My voice had a hard time getting the word wound out due to the look in his eyes. It was odd having him kneeling on the ground and me standing before him with both of us missing our shirts. It was erotic, dirty and I couldn't help but to have a very adult reaction to it.

He went to move but when he suddenly closed his eyes, pain briefly flashing across his strong face, I realized that the wound was more than it appeared to be. He blinked a few times, almost like he was losing focus before turning his eyes back to me. He looked indifferent but I knew better. He may not have meant to but I saw that he was in pain.

The edges of the wound were an angry dark red and I even spotted some spots that looked like they were turning black. That wasn't normal.

"I'm going to run to Genkai's and get a med kit. Will you be okay by yourself Hiei?"

His only reply was a grunt and a dark look that I barely noticed before I turned on my heel and literally ran out of the forest and to the temple. I ignored the wide-eyed looks from Shizuru, Yukina and Kuwabara who had been in the middle of a discussion and the amused snort from Genkai, before once more returning to the forest and entering it without the slightest hesitation.

I found Hiei easily, my feet carrying me without much thought being needed and when I found him in the same position with five unrecognizable dead carcasses lying around him, I slowed and raised my eyebrows as he turned his attention to me. His sword was bloody and lying beside him and he was coated in blood that I knew to not be his.

I ignored it the best I could and opened the red medical box before going through all of its contents. Some of it was things that Genkai had made herself but I didn't know anything about what they did. I took a moment to read the label's which appeared to be Yukina's neat handwriting before finally finding what I hoped to be the right one.

Surprisingly Hiei said nothing the whole time I was cleaning his wound. He only grunted when I put on the brown smelly paste and then began to wrap the wound the best I could. I had to get close enough to him so that I could wrap it around his large build, but it was quite difficult since my arms weren't long enough.

He made no move to help and no move to make it easier and that made me get so close to him that my bare skin was almost touching his, and my barely covered breast kept brushing against his chest. The heat radiating off of his skin had me sweating in minutes and the closeness seemed to warm me to the core, in more ways than one much to my confusion.

"Get down," he suddenly whispered.

I froze when his breath brushed against the side of my neck since I was in the process of getting the bandage around his broad back, but I was quickly shoved down across his lap before I heard a gargled scream and then nothing.

I could feel something wet on my backside but I didn't dare look. I was doing well at keeping a strong stomach, but if I saw the blood that I knew was on me I was sure to lose my lunch. When I took a deep breath in I was surrounded by a smoky fire scent which made me quickly rise back up.

"Umm," I mumbled as I sat up, looking behind me at the now decapitated demon before turning my attention back to Hiei.

My face must have been comical when I noticed how close we were to each other. He didn't seem the least bit nervous or flustered but he also didn't bother to pull away. I can't even imagine why Hiei would allow me to doctor him and get so close to him, but it was I who broke the intense eye contact.

I finished off the bandage and tied it off before backing away from him.

He made no move to stand up and so I stayed with him though I kept my distance. I asked no questions, he made no attempt at conversation, and no more demons tried to attack us. This was the moment when I learned that I had feelings for a demon I hardly knew. I could feel it in how my heart could not calm down and my body was just as bad. I wanted him and I was ashamed of myself.

When I returned to the temple I must have looked a sight. The fact that Hiei was beside me and also bloody without a shirt must have made the situation look even worst. No one said a thing; they were simply too busy gawking.

"Hiei, you're back soon. Did something happen?" Kuwabara questioned, his eyes avoiding me at all cost. Suddenly I was feeling very exposed.

"When I went to gather information I found that there were traders in Mukuro's army. I have dispatched of them all but they had more members than I realized. I was forced to return due to the poison they put on their blades."

My eyes were wide as I stared up at Hiei. I knew that his wound looked weird, but I didn't know that he was poisoned. It was no wonder that he remained in the forest for an extra hour without speaking. I don't think he could really do more than grunt and say "Get down", but even that seemed hard for him to say. I wonder what he would have said about me running around in my bra.

"You seem alright to me," Shizuru said as she examined his wrapped torso.

"When I came in earlier I was getting the med kit," I added softly.

"What did you use?" Yukina questioned.

"The brown paste, why?"

Genkai snorted, "Looks like you saved his life. I'm surprised that you actually read the labels and used the one that was for deep infections and poisons. Now go take a shower. You look like a hot mess."

I narrowed my eyes at Genkai, knowing full well that she was remembering the fire I almost started the one time I tried to use her old style kitchen. I scoffed and walked away, not realizing until I was in the shower that Genkai had simply wanted me to leave the room, so I quickly hopped out and only caught one sentence that was spoken by Hiei.

"The war has already started. It's taking place in the Human World. Tomorrow all hell will break loose and nothing can be done to stop it."

I felt my blood run cold as I slid down the bathroom wall.


	6. Chapter 6

**Thank you to Takara Rose, Oizumi, Jarolyn, Neko-fire demon tempest, kungfoopandabear, Kagome141414, LovingTea, Just 2 Dream of You, Ozzy1313 and of course nanisan 1955 for messaging/ reviewing. It truly means a lot to me and I hope that you continue =D I have been messing with this chapter all week and it is the longest by far...so I hope you enjoy. It took me awhile before I felt okay with it.**

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"What the hell do you mean that the war will be here in the Human World? Isn't this a war between demons?"

The small room full of people turned their surprised eyes to me. Never being one for patience and tact, I had thrown on my white robe without getting all the shampoo out of my hair, which caused a puddle of water to form on the floor since I didn't even dry myself off first.

I couldn't have cared less if it was appropriate or not. Despite how terrified I was and only wanting to crawl under a rock and die, I was sick and tired of being excluded out of everything. This was something that I needed to hear -to know. I felt the anxiety making my chest clench tightly as my eyes began to burn with tears, and I realized what I had known all along.

We were all screwed.

"Maybe you should get dressed and dry off first…" Yukina offered but I was having none of that.

My eyes narrowed as my temper began to flare. I wanted to know and I was going to get what I wanted, no matter the cost. I felt the anger crawl down my spine and spread through my veins until I was seeing through tunnel vision.

"No. Every time I turn around there is someone keeping something from me. I deserve to fucking know what the hell is going on, so back the fuck off!" I screamed at the top of my lungs.

Shizuru suddenly stood up, her eyes dark and dangerous as she pushed Yukina towards her brother and out of her way. Yukina was looking between us in worry but we didn't care or take notice. All we saw was a fight in the making.

All I could think about was scratching her eyes out.

"You watch who you yell at. You have no business even being involved with this so why don't you go and take your temper tantrum somewhere else," Shizuru whispered darkly.

I felt a spike of fear and shame as I blinked a few times in confusion. I only wanted to figure out what was going on, not start a fight with Shizuru. My head began to hurt and my vision started to blur as I fought off the vast amount of rage that I knew wasn't my own. I wanted to harm Shizuru, possibly kill her, and I have no doubt that she was feeling the same presence pushing her towards doing those things.

But unlike me, she didn't seem to be fighting it. She embraced it.

"Sis, why don't you take a seat and calm down. Lily is infected like you are. She didn't mean it," I heard Kuwabara say.

"You take a seat and calm the fuck down! Leave it to me to have a pussy as a little brother -won't even defend the love of his life from a weak bitch."

I fell down to the floor as my head began to throb even more. The only thing my mind kept whispering was, _fight, fight, fight_–and so badly I wanted to. But I knew that I didn't mean it and that it wasn't me. I only had the up most respect for Shizuru.

"A little help Hiei?" I heard Genkai say calmly before someone put a cool hand on my head.

"That's right kid, keeping fighting it. I can't reverse it if you give in."

I was surprised that it was Genkai who was trying to sooth my aching head. Oddly enough her words helped. Though it still hurt and it felt like my head was splitting in two, I was able to open my eyes just in time to see Hiei flash in front of Shizuru and hit her in the head with a closed fist.

Kuwabara knelt down by his sister and began checking for damage, his eyes wide in fear as he put his head on her chest, obviously thinking that Hiei murdered his sister. If I wasn't in immense pain I would have pointed out the slight movement of her chest.

"You didn't have to knock her out!" he screeched but oddly enough it was Yukina who replied.

"She was almost in the second stage. He stopped it just in time by making her lose consciousness."

"But it won't help once she wakes up. Lily's rage pushed her over the edge. She got angry because she saw Yukina get upset," Genkai informed, and automatically I was consumed by guilt.

It seemed like everything was turning out to be my fault, and the more that unraveled before me the more I believed that small irrational thought.

"Why didn't you use your Jagon and sooth her into sleep?" Kuwabara questioned much to my confusion.

I turned my attention to Hiei and saw that he was watching me, a light and almost unnoticeable frown on his lips before he turned his attention to Kuwabara. Beside me I felt Genkai tense up and prepare herself.

"I cannot enter the minds of those who have been infected for more than a few days, depending on the human. It takes time for the poison to spread to their brain. Once it does they are immune to me for the fact that the brain waves become too erratic."

I sat up and turned to look at Genkai. She sent me a brief glance because she knew what I was thinking. I had thought that maybe it was Hiei and his telepathic ability that prolonged me, but now I knew that it was all me. It made no sense. I seemed to have fallen into stage one pretty quick, but what was stopping me for going passed that?

Even when I was about to give in something within me sprung to life and I realized what was going on. I didn't understand it because I only saw the bad things about me. I never saw myself as strong, strong-willed and even the voice of reason a lot of the times. Keiko fell, Shizuru was on her way, and that was hard for me to comprehend when I admired both of them.

Keiko knew of demons almost her whole life and Shizuru wasn't a normal human. I was a normal human who grew up naïve and had no problem giving up on something that was just too hard.

But when things got bad I risked my life for Keiko's without a second thought. That was also something that surprised me about myself. They say that you never really know who you are until you are faced with a tough decision.

Maybe I was simply full of self-loathing. I know now I didn't know who I was. When you grow up being told that you're selfish and will amount to nothing, a child will start to believe those words even if they are false.

"How come Lily hasn't fallen yet? She has no spiritual power like we do," Kuwabara questioned. I could see in his eyes that he also didn't understand how I withheld longer than his sister and Keiko. I couldn't bear to look at him; his eyes were judging and almost seemed cruel. I knew that he would rather me take their places.

I know he didn't mean to voice his thoughts through his eyes but he thought I was weak. He thought I would be the first to fall. I didn't blame him.

"I have been working on a theory," Genkai said as she stole another glance at me. "It is no secret that Lily is a short-tempered little brat who compresses her emotions to the point of making herself bipolar."

My stare was blank as I watched Genkai speak and pace the room.

"But she had proven her mental strength when she traded places with Keiko. When she was being tortured she let down the mental block between herself and her emotions. It was accidental, but I believe that the way the virus works is it takes your own emotions and forces you feel them to the extreme. The brain is a powerful thing when the barriers are destroyed."

Genkai paused as she finally turned towards me.

"Ever since that day you have been more honest about how you felt haven't you? I have noticed you acting more pacified and less retrained, and I believe that is the reason why. Keiko and Shizuru, they were still harboring extreme emotions that they hid and never spoke of because of the barrier we create out of fear of being weak. But you broke yours down the day you sacrificed your life, and now the poison is having a harder time gripping a strong enough emotion that you can't fight and put into perspective. Every human's biggest downfall is the fear of their own vulnerabilities."

Genkai closed her old eyes and once again I saw an old woman who only wanted peace.

"I am sure that you're not the only human who is fighting the poison, but you are a minority because most are going to give into it sooner or later, and you will give in to. Or you will die fighting it. Your brain won't be able to fight it off much longer. You are simply human."

The room was silent as Genkai ended her explanation. The air was thick with tension, but never had silence been so loud to me.

"So," I said softly as everyone turned their attention to me, "have they been causing distractions so that they could release the poison in the air without it being detected until it was too late?"

"Yeah, that's what it sounds like," Kuwabara replied, but I didn't miss the new way that he was looking at me. It was like he was seeing me for the first time. In truth that made that made the both of us.

"And tomorrow I'm guessing the humans who are infected will be a lot worse?"

"Yes," Genkai answered.

I nodded and turned my attention to Hiei, "And demons will be coming into this world in midst of all the confusion that the humans will be creating?"

He gave a slight nod.

I sighed, "Then what are we going to do to? I don't think the tea and herbs are going to keep working after tonight. Is there any way to reverse the poison?" I whispered.

Hiei was silent for a moment as everyone listened to what he was about to say. His face was stoic but his jaw was clenched in restraint though you couldn't hear it in his smooth voice. I see now that he was bothered by the way things were going.

"There is, but it will take time. Yusuke will be fighting the rogue King and the army we have gathered will be keeping his army away from the portals to this world."

"Koenma has involved the SDF I presume?" Genkai questioned and I seemed to be the only one wondering who Koenma was and what the SDF meant. Salty Demon French-fries?

To my embarrassment I accidentally said my thoughts out loud which caused everyone to look at me with their own little expressions (confusion being the most dominant) before ignoring me completely. I felt too stupid to ask them who Koenma was.

"They will be in charge of getting any demons that somehow get by, and destroying the mindless husk that will be wreaking havoc. The humans however will be on their own until the enemy is defeated and the anti-virus starts to work. Once the moron who caused this is dead, he will no longer have control over the infected. But those who transform all the way won't be saved."

I closed my eyes and put my head down on my knees. My head was starting to hurt again, but this time out of confusion and hopelessness. To me it seemed as if it was all a bad dream that I couldn't wake up from.

I got up from the floor and left without a word. That night I simply stared at the ceiling until I passed out from exhaustion.

It was late into the night when my eyes shot open in surprise and fear.

"Keiko?" I choked out when I registered that there was someone lying top of me crying. I was stiff and completely still as the crying began to lighten up.

"How come Yusuke doesn't love me?"

I was stunned as I tried to figure out what was going on and why Keiko was awake when she was supposed to be sleeping. It didn't take me long to wake up as dread filled my chest. I knew right then and there that something was severely wrong. I locked myself in another room in a different part of the temple, not wanting company even if they were seeping. I still wonder how she got in.

"What are you talking about Keiko? He loves you more than life itself. You know that."

"Lies! It's all lies!" she screamed as she jumped off me and fell backwards on to the wooden floor.

I slowly sat up as my eyes adjusted to the darkness of the room. Keiko was rocking back and forth, her sobs rocking her tiny frame as she wept.

"He doesn't love me," she whispered before lifting her head. I was frozen in my spot as I looked in to the most lifeless eyes I had ever seen. I wasn't looking at Keiko; I was looking at a zombie, an empty shell.

I screamed when she began tearing at her skin with her fingernails. Blood began to run down her arms in streams as she tried to rip off her very skin. I was stricken as I watched, unmoving in my spot as I tried to figure out if I was having a nightmare.

"I'm not good enough. I'll never be good enough for him," she whimpered before she let out a burly scream and began rabidly tearing at herself with so much anger and sadness that it made me start to cry out in horror.

"Stop it!" I pleaded as I tried to pin her arms down the best I could and in result got scratched, but I ignored the sharp stinging on my face and arms. After a moment she stopped before a dark chuckle left her mouth.

"They're here for you. He's not very pleased that you're fighting him. I don't want you to die Lily. Give in, or they will make you. He says that you're only fighting the inevitable, and you are."

My breathing became erratic as I tried to keep calm. Seeing Keiko like this was frightening, but hearing her basically threaten me froze my blood. She said she didn't want me to die, but her tone said otherwise. She didn't care.

"Who told you? How?" I whispered as I tried to stop myself from passing out. I couldn't seem to get enough air into my lungs.

"I hear him in my head. They're coming for you," she said once more before she let out a high pitch scream that left my ears ringing as she reached out and slapped me hard in the face. I scrambled up from the floor, my hands over my ears as I watched Keiko wrap her arms around herself and start to cry once more.

I wasted no time in getting my ass out of the room.

"Genkai!" I screamed as I wiped the tears from my eyes and began hurrying to the area that I knew her bedroom was in.

I screamed, and screamed but no one ever walked out of their rooms.

Finally I ended up in the main room and nearly cried out in joy when I saw that someone was already in there. My relief was short-lived when the person stood up to their true height and turned around, a dark smile on their lips.

"Shizuru…" I whispered as I slowly made my way to the temple door without turning my back to her. I found it odd that the door was already open, but I didn't have enough time to think of a better plan.

She followed me like a tiger would its prey, her steps matching mine perfectly. It didn't take long for me to realize that she had entered the second stage. I was right in assuming that no special tea was going to help once the war started.

And it appeared to me that I was going to have to go it alone.

Shizuru lunged at me so fast that I was startled as I tried to move left and right at the same time, and ended up tripping over my feet. She didn't give me much time to react before she again came at me, but since I was on ground I resulted to rolling around like I was on fire.

I stopped however when something hard stomped on my back and before I knew it I was sailing through the open door and tumbling down the porch steps before moaning in pain as something stabbed into my stomach. It took me a moment to push aside the pain that my ribs were feeling before I stood up, favoring my left leg over my right. I had no time to even consider if something might be broken.

In the distance through the trees I could see bodies beginning to form from all around the temple. I sucked in air as I realized the worst realization of all. The Demon King had sent hundreds of zombie humans after me, in hopes that it would distract Yusuke and the others. He brought the war to me because I was in the group and fighting off his influence.

Once again I was feeling guiltily for something I know now was not my fault. It only seemed fitting that there was no moon that night -Nothing but darkness.

"Lily!" I heard Kuwabara yell and I spun around to where I heard his voice.

He was in a defensive posture with Yukina and Genkai creating some sort of barrier around them. I could have done what they wanted me to and got in the barrier with them, but instead I turned on my heel, ignoring their horrified screams behind me as the infected humans made their way into the clearing.

I began to run as fast I could, ignoring the sharp pain in my leg as I forced myself to move faster.

"Faster, faster!" I heard Keiko behind me shouting and even though I knew that my friend was trapped somewhere within herself and that it wasn't her I was hearing, I listened and pushed myself to the max without looking back.

They steered away from the temple as I thought they would, but I was too busy trying to find a place to go to truly notice their movements. Despite them surrounding the temple I noticed a weak point in the center, and I was determined to expose it for all it was worth. There was no time for thinking as I ran forward, closer and closer to their hungry grasp.

"No you foolish girl, it's a trap!" I heard Genkai shout but I didn't stop. I ran at full speed, only slowing enough to pick up the first stick I saw. I began to swing it around wildly before I even got in close enough, but it didn't take long for my stick to make contact with the zombie like humans who were fully transformed and out for blood.

I felt a searing pain hot burning in my head but I ignored it. I knew what I had to do and I was going to do it the best I could. The only reason the temple was under attack was because I was there and resisting (though I didn't mean to) the poison that threatened to turn me into a mindless shell.

If I was going to do down, than I was going to down swinging so that everyone else could get away and to a safer place.

I don't know what Kuwabara and the others chose to do as I tried to run and swing at the same time. I wish now that I would have looked back, would have listened to the words that Genkai was yelling. I wish I knew what she was trying so desperately to tell me because that would have been the last thing I ever got the chance to hear her say instead of her calling me a foolish girl.

I wanted to scream out in pain as the creatures reached out their grey hands and yanked my hair or scratched my skin, but I didn't. I continued on until I entered the forest and began to zigzag throughout the trees. I could hear them running behind me but I didn't look back.

I was being hunted.

I stumbled over my feet when a tall figure stepped into my path. They were shaded by the night but I knew that they were a demon. I believe that it was only an image created by the Demon King because the edges were wavering and the thing was almost see-through, but it made no difference to me. At the time I didn't notice or care to think about what it meant. I was becoming irrational in my fear.

"Are you ready to give in girl? You have nowhere to go," a deep voice boomed as my knees threatened to give out.

"Go fuck yourself," I spat out between huffs but the voice just laughed before a pain that threatened to take me off of my feet erupted in my head. It was like a knife was carving words of hate into my skull.

"You either give in or die. There is no in-between," I heard it say and in a streak of stubbornness I lifted the middle finger before screaming and falling down to the ground on my knees. I coughed as blood pooled out of my mouth and I clutched my head tightly, nearly ripping my hair out.

Behind me I felt something strike my back hard, nearly knocking me down before something else grabbed my hair and yanked me back up. I placed my hands on the ground and kicked my leg back; hitting whatever was behind me as hard as I could (though my legs only met air). It resulted in extreme pain due to injuries as I collapsed and silently wept.

"Give in yet?" the voice questioned as I tried my hardest to stand up. I felt anger, hatred, pain, fear –they were all intermingling and battling inside of the confinements of my head. It felt like my insides were ripping, and the feeling made me retch inside of my mouth.

"No!" I screamed as I began to clumsily run, knowing full well that behind the shadowed figure was a ledge that dropped straight into the raging ocean that was close to Genkai's temple. A few times Keiko would plan trips to the ocean, but I always felt that I was intruding when I came along.

It's strange how different something appears when you see it at night. Instead of the majestic welcoming water that I remembered, I saw a dark abyss that was counting down until it could cast me into the unknown for all eternity.

The wind whipped around me painfully but I closed my eyes and bit back my scream. Jumping off was an impulsive decision but I saw no other way. I was beginning to lose a losing battle and I feel that my determination to save Keiko and Shizuru was why unlike them I didn't fall (no pun intended).

The air sounded deafening to my ears as I fell towards the awaiting water below. I knew that there was no going back but oddly enough my life did not flash before my eyes. I saw nothing but darkness and felt nothing but an eerie calm. The only thing I could think was, _it will all be ending soon_.

I bit back the scream when my arm smashed against the side of a rock that was sticking out of the cliff. I squeezed my eyes shut and drew into myself as the wind threatened to tear me apart. I only hoped that I was close to meeting the bottom. For the first time I felt free from myself and there was not an ounce of guilt inside of my chest.

I can now see that the virus was taking its toll on me. I felt that if I killed myself than I wouldn't ever be able to fall into the enemies hands like Keiko did. I felt as if I won, out smarted him somehow. Now I can see that I was simply going insane in attempts to fight something much bigger than myself.

I screamed as something swooped me up in their arms. I was pressed hard against their chest due to the momentum that their running was causing. I was beginning to fade in and out but I made myself stay conscious. Instead I concentrated on the pain in my ribs, the limpness of my arm, and the ache in my leg. I felt like I was falling apart at the seams.

The person slowed down to a halt but they didn't let me go from their arms. I cracked open my eyes as they entered a cave that was hidden by moss and the dark. It was pitch black as they sat me down. I felt numb despite the possibility of them being the enemy.

My body was weary, my head was on fire and my chest was starting to burn due to the air being cold and my harsh breathing. I knew then that if this was the enemy I was going to die. I could feel that I was close to the second stage. I had been balancing on it almost the whole time. In my mind, I was already dead. I hope to never feel such a way again.

I blinked a few times when a small fire suddenly started up in the middle of the cave a little ways away from me. I should have known who it was that caught me -the one person who seemed to always be around when I was in trouble.

Hiei.

He barely gave me a glance as he pulled something out of his pocket and began sticking it all over the entrance of the cave. It looked like white pieces of paper to me, but the moment he stepped back I could feel something soothing me. My head still throbbed but the angry whispers seemed to ease up until it was finally gone.

I shot Hiei a questioning look as he approached me and looked me over with a dark look on his face before he knelt down in front of me. I could see a small shadow of unease, though I don't know why that was.

"Those papers are blocking all energies from entering this cave. It will not last, but you have until tomorrow night before they start hunting you again. Now why did you run off instead of stay with the idiot and Genkai?"

His eyes were narrowed and angry which through me off. It was the most emotion that I had ever seen on his face. I didn't like however that his rage was pointed at me.

"They surrounded the temple. I knew that if I got away from Genkai and Kuwabara, that they could get Yukina, Shizuru and Keiko out of there safely. They were hiding behind a barrier but I didn't see it withstanding an army of zombie people."

Hiei was silent as his expression slowly changed from angry to blank. I squirmed in my spot as I suddenly felt like I did the stupidest thing in the whole world.

"They were waiting for me," he said dryly.

I felt the blood drain from my face. "Are you serious?" I whispered which earned me another dark glare in return.

I sighed and lowered my head as he began to speak once more.

"Genkai was going to take you and the other two infected girls to a cave where you would wait out the war. Instead you ran off and started swinging a flimsy stick around like the buffoon swings his sword. The only reason why they didn't surround you like they could have, was because it happened to be a trap and you played into their hands quite nicely."

I frowned when I recalled Genkai's last words to me. She had said that it was a trap but I didn't listen. It seemed like a good idea to me. I didn't want to put them at risk any more than I already did. If it wasn't for Hiei playing Superman, my impulsiveness would have killed me. It was a very humbling (and scarring) experience.

"Hn, take off your shirt."

I looked up in horror and was met by mischievous crimson eyes. He lifted his eyebrow in question as his eyes trailed down to my stomach. I hissed when I saw the blood that was seeping through my white night-shirt. My arms were tattered in bloody scratches and my left one was handing limp at my side. It was coated in blood.

My right ankle had already started swelling. It was turning dark purple right before my very eyes and I knew...that I had almost died again and if not for Hiei than I would have. I felt as if I owed him the world.

On top of that I only had a pair of underwear under my long night shirt…and I had on no bra. That meant that I was running around half-naked the whole time and that didn't sit well with me. Hiei was my only hope but I didn't want him to look at me when I was drenched in blood. He never said a thing, but I wonder what he must have been thinking. His gaze was dark and calculating. It was like he was trying to put together a puzzle of some sort. I wish I would have had more time with him because he was the conundrum, not me.

"The shirt stays on," I said quickly which earned me another eyebrow lift.

I tried to keep my voice casual and not show Hiei how unsure of myself I was feeling. There was one side of me that was concerned for my wounds and aching bones, and all the infections I could catch if I didn't take care of them. Then there was that other-side, that god awful selfish other-side, which wanted to act on whatever it was that I was feeling.

Lust, passion, love; these were just words to my cynical heart. They say in order to love someone you have to love yourself, so when you take a young woman who grew up around anger and self-loathing, and then you put her in a cave barely dressed with a powerful demon who is but a stranger, what do you get? A scared little girl and that's what I was.

"This is…just so stupid," I whispered to myself as I gently cradled my useless arm. "I wish I would have just fallen to the fucking virus like everyone else. Instead all I keep doing is complicating things further. Here you are, babysitting me once more while I bleed all over myself. I must really be a thorn in your side huh? You should have let me die."

Hiei looked towards the entrance to the cave, the fire flickering across his features and creating little shadows that only made him look more godlike. To say that I knew nothing of Hiei is false. I knew of some things like his quick temper, his loner needs, and how his silence spoke louder than his words. With Hiei it wasn't about what he said, it was about what he didn't say. Of course I wasn't perceptive enough to understand his silence.

I never imagined in my entire existence that Hiei could feel something for me. If it would have been another universe than I know that it would have ended differently. I can't help but wonder…who I would be if it had.

He turned his eyes back to me, the lids lowering slightly as he stared into my eyes. He looked alarmed.

"Calm down Onna. You're weak and prone to infection and illnesses. If you keep stressing yourself over needless worries, than this will be nothing but a waste of time."

I blinked in surprise as he reached up a hand and gently brushed something wet from under my eyes. His words were cold and cruel, but his calloused hand was warm and gentle. His eyes seemed to widen slightly as he jerked back, but I didn't have time to examine the expression because he was once more looking away from me.

When he turned his eyes back to me and then bent me down and gathered me into his arms, I was shocked speechless at the suddenness of his actions. His touch was hot on my chilled flesh and completely unexpected. It was like he was at battle with himself as he walked further into the cave, away from the light the fire gave and closer to a small pool of water that I could barely make out.

I really wouldn't put it by Hiei to make someone wobble and fall until they either passed out of gave up. Since I first laid eyes on him he seemed like someone who believed that if you can't protect yourself than you deserve what's coming to you.

I couldn't protect myself but he wouldn't let me fall, regardless of what I believed.

_Why is he doing this?_ That was all my mind kept asking me as he _gently_ sat me down by a small water source that was close enough to the fire that I wasn't blind, but too far for me to really make out details.

"Um, Hiei?" I questioned nervously as I tried to make out his face. What I wanted was to probe his mind so that I could figure out why he backed away from me and was starting to remove his clothing.

I could hear the articles hitting the stone floor with a small thud, and each time my heart jumped in my chest. When it finally fell silent, I knew what that meant. But I couldn't look away from his shadowed figure as he approached me.

"Don't get your hair wet," he ordered before brushing passed me, his heat hitting me before he disappeared into the water.

I was frozen until I touched my stomach and felt something sticky and hard.

I nearly started to have a panic attack as I listened to the water ripple and my heart beat. I didn't know what to do, or think, or say and any _innocent_ female knows the feeling when faced in a not so _innocent_situation.

I didn't know what this meant to him. Demons had different traditions and ways of doing things. I couldn't imagine them being kept a child until they were 20, though now in Japan it is 18 _(1)._I was so confused and torn between doing what needed to be done and not wanting to get near a naked Hiei because to me it was a big deal.

I glowered darkly to myself as I slowly slid into the water, moaning softly when the heat of it hit my cold skin. However, due to my swollen ankle and not being able to use my arm, I lost balance on the rock I was trying to sit on and down into the water I went.

The moment the dark water completely swallowed me I was swiftly pulled back up and holding on to a warm body for dear life as I choked on water. When my throat finally stopped burning I closed my eyes and rested my head on a hard chest…before I finally realized what was going on.

"Whoa!" I yelled as I tried to get out of Hiei's hold (and away from the nude body that I could feel through my soaked shirt).

"What?" he questioned mockingly.

"Seriously Hiei? It's dark and…dark and you're…" but before I could scream anything more he dropped me.

My good arm quickly shot up and grabbed a hold of his arms. Now due to my leg that wouldn't allow me to kick without hurting myself, it was me holding on to him. I was panting in pain and fear, but I was beginning to get angry.

He was chuckling, and as beautiful as it sounded coming from his deep voice, I knew that he was laughing at me. He found my pain and fear amusing.

"What are you laughing at you sadist? I'm bleeding and hurt my leg and I think I broke my arm it and you're laughing!" My voice was beginning to crack as the reality finally set in. "I was chased through a forest, Keiko lost her mind, I'm practically naked and you are naked!"

Hiei was silent has I began to hyperventilate, the shock finally hitting me.

"Hn. Humans are so fragile," he mumbled gruffly, but his hands were soft as he put me in his arms and laid be back on a rock so that the water only reached my shoulders.

Of course I didn't understand his contradicting actions. I don't think he really understood them either.

"Well I'm sorry to be such an inconvenience to you," I bit back sharply, my tone the harshest I have ever been towards him.

He fell silent. I shivered lightly, my soaked shirt chilling me to the bone and my thick hair only adding to the equation since I ended up getting it wet. It takes a very long time for my air to dry. That is why in my older age I wear it short -too much maintenance.

"Take off your shirt," he said once more, but this time his voice was oddly subdued, missing the rough mocking quality that always seemed to be there before.

"No!" I screeched, not caring that I was beginning to shiver.

I blinked in surprise and confusion as I looked up at Hiei's face that was barely lit by the fire at the entrance of the cave. He looked no different to usual, his eyes still indifferent (though glowing from the lack of light), but something about him seemed…tired, worn almost. I never took into consideration the things he must have been up to since the whole thing started.

He sighed. "Onna, if you don't remove your shirt you will become ill and the last thing I need is a sick human sneezing all over me."

This time I noticed his tone of voice though he sounded annoyed. I felt his hands brush against my side as he began to lift up and I shivered, but this time not because of the cold. My mind was screaming but I didn't have the will to stop him.

_Onna_ is what he had called me, but somehow he didn't seem as harsh versus the other times he called me woman. It was his tone of voice that stopped me from putting up a ridiculous, childish fight.

I bit my tongue when he pulled the shirt over my head, my arm getting in the way though I didn't complain. The only thing I had on was my underwear and the thought sent my head spinning.

He began to move me up the rock, trying to get a better look at the wound on my stomach and arm and I let him, my chest heaving up and own though he didn't say a word. My chest was too close to his face for comfort, but his eyes never once strayed. Instead he cleaned the wounds the best he could for not having the proper tools.

I stared up at the cave roof, wondering if this was a dream or if Hiei really was helping me and running his hands all over my body, washing and checking for deeper wounds. It seemed surreal and unrealistic that he would degrade himself in such a way.

"Hiei," I called gently, his hand down running up my leg and stopping on my inner thigh. I don't recall being harmed in that spot, but at the time I didn't notice.

He grunted before running his hand back down.

"Why are you even bothering with trying to help me? I was the one who ran into the woods and I was the one who threw myself off of a cliff like the genius I am. The others…could use your help. Instead you're here with me."

He didn't answer right away, and after a few minutes I was beginning to think that he wouldn't.

"I do as I please."

I blinked in surprise as he disappeared out of the water, only to return so that he could lift me up and carry me towards the fire. I was in such deep thought that I paid him no mind, instead focusing on four measly words. He was with me because he wanted to be. That despite his harsh way of saying it was what those words meant. I still find that so hard to believe.

"Lay down," he ordered huskily and still in a daze I listened.

A breeze came in through the entrance of the cave, brushing across the skin that was being warmed by the fire and sending chills throughout my body. I shivered lightly as the cool air came in contact with my breast, making my look down at myself in confusion.

My eyes quickly shot up to Hiei's in horror and surprise, but it quickly melted away when I saw the feverish look that was staring down at me. There was no amount of ice in his gaze. His eyes were a smoldering red, passion swirling in them and hypnotizing me.

Heat pooled in my lower stomach as his large form seemed to loom over me, dominating me and daring me to back away.

Instead I sat up, my body having a mind of its own as my mind begged to go flesh to flesh with him. He was still bare and before I knew it my hand was trailing down his shoulder, feeling the muscles and warmth of his skin.

My body was alert, begging his to show me the secret between men and woman, but soon he had my small hand grasped inside of his larger one before I could make it all the way down.

I blinked in surprise as I lifted my head to meet his watching gaze. His eyes were still smoldering but there was a trace of awareness inside of his glowing orbs that hadn't been there before.

For the first time in my life I understood his silence.

_Now is not the time_…it was whispering to me, and so I nodded in understanding as he released my hand and picked up a roll of bandages. I blinked in surprise once more as I saw that his arm was bandaged. I don't know how I didn't notice before, but he always had his right arm bandaged from the very first day I met him.

"What happened to your arm?" I asked curiously, pushing away the shiver that his hands gave me when he began to wrap the wound around my stomach.

"It contains a dangerous beast" was all he said and I was just thankful that he told me that much. I knew that he would soon be back to himself and keeping his distance from me as he always did before.

Or at least, that was what I thought I knew.

He handed me his huge blue shirt to put on before he put on his pants and then went to the other side of the fire. I curled into myself and watched the flames flicker dangerously before my eyelids began to grow heavy.

Too much had happened in a matter of 24 hours, and despite all the darkness there was a light at the end of the tunnel.

But nothing ever turns out the way you had hoped and sometimes hiding in the light is something you never wanted…until everything else is too far out of your reach.

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**(1) In Japan you are not considered an adult until you're 20 but at the current time they are trying to change that to 18. Though they haven't yet I put it in here anyway because I hope they do. **


	7. Chapter 7

**Thank you to LovingTea, Just 2 Dream of You, Ozzy1313, kungfupandabear, and Kagome141414 for reviewing/messaging. I hope after this chapter you still continue to do so O.o**

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Hiei was gone.

That was the very first thing I noticed when I woke up. I sat up slowly, my arm cradled to my chest as I looked around the cave and for any indication that I wasn't left alone.

But I was left alone, and upon realizing this I simply drew into myself once more and laid there, my eyes staring into what used to be a fire. The morning air was warm but I felt cold. Of course, I was half-naked.

I couldn't help but to snort at my predicament. There I was, alone and half-naked in a cave, while the people I cared about were out in fighting a war that must have been a blood shed. I felt as if I should have been doing something useful, not lying in a cave throwing myself a pity party.

I figured that Hiei went to go fight along side his friends. I seemed like the night before had never happened, the fact that he kissed and bathed me being too surreal for me to truly believe. If it weren't for his shirt than I'm sure I would have convinced myself that is was a dream.

It seemed like the hours went by slowly before I started to become alarmed. Hiei said that the little pieces of paper would only protect me until the Sun went down, and I watched in desperation as it did. Little by little, teasing, taunting.

I was just one person and only a small fraction in the scheme of things. It seemed unlikely that I would be at the forefront of anyone's mind. I thought of all my friends and how important they were, Hiei included, and truly I feel blessed to have known any of them. It was a burden that I have always been willing to carry.

"And so the lion is a lamb after all," I spoke softly, remembering Genkai's words that felt so far away in time.

The Sun was almost down.

I took a shuttered breath as I forced myself to stand up. I didn't expect Hiei to come back, I knew he had other things he needed to do, so despite my wounds and aching appendages I concocted a plan.

Get to Genkai's temple, get my car and then get the hell out of dodge…if I didn't run into Genkai herself or into any trouble. I know it wasn't a very good plan but it was all I could think up. Most people would have stayed at the cave and waited, but not me. I saw it only being a matter of time before they found me, and I at least wanted to try.

I was already beginning to feel my head ache but I pushed it aside and stood at the entrance of the cave…before remembering that I had no idea where in the hell I was.

"Fan-freaking-tastic," I mumbled bitterly, suddenly not feeling so enthused about my plan.

"I guess Hiei knows you well. He said you would be doing something stupid by the time I arrived."

I jumped fifty feet in the air as I spun towards an unfamiliar voice. The man was just as unfamiliar as he sounded because I had never seen him before. His eyes were honey brown and watching me with a scrutiny that seemed odd for his gentle face. He had a green head band around his head and was dressed casually. In other words he didn't look like a raging mind controlled zombie human.

Despite myself I eased up, not knowing how but knowing that he wouldn't hurt me.

"Who are you?" I questioned stupidly, remembering quite clearly that I was barely wearing cloths.

The man stepped forward, removing his green jacket, "I am an old friend of Yusuke's," he said before placing the jacket around my shoulders.

He stood in front of me his eyes telling nothing but the truth, but while they were genuine he had the eyes of someone who was hiding a huge secret.

"You don't plan to um…rape me or anything do you? Because if you do…"

"No!" he cut me off, his mouth moving in the funniest way, almost like he was sucking on an invisible pacifier. "Don't be ridiculous. I only want to help you because if I don't this stupid war will rage on because the boys will be too busy worrying about you."

I blinked in surprise. "I doubt that," I said softly.

The man's eyes quickly softened before he ushered me back into the cave. He was silent as he pulled up the same pieces of paper I saw Hiei use and placed them where the old ones were. I didn't even notice that they were almost burned up, the edges shriveled and turning black.

"Yusuke and Kuwabara see you as a little sister, Kurama is protective over anything that needs his protection, though to be honest he is more concerned about his family, and Hiei…there is no telling with that one. I was surprised when he approached me this morning before rejoining the fight."

He turned around to face me as we both sat down on the cave floor. I struggled with myself for a moment, trying to find the words I wanted to say. The man waited patiently, somehow understanding how torn up I was.

I hated feeling useless.

"Can you tell me what's happening? What everyone's doing?" I finally asked as I lifted my eyes from my lap. For some reason I felt the need to be polite around him. It wasn't like me to choose my words carefully before I spoke.

"I will tell you what I can. Some of it is classified," he said calmly and when I nodded my head in understanding he sighed and looked outside of the cave. He suddenly looked tired and unnerved.

"Everything is sort of a blood bath. It's a good thing that you're not in the city. There are fights all over the place, people breaking into shops and horrible crimes taking place right on the streets. It's impossible to contain," he ran a hand through his shaggy brown hair. "Yusuke is doing a wonderful job. He is more serious than I have ever seen him and it is only a matter of time before he beats the jerk that caused all this. Not to mention that the demon army protecting the borders in the Makai is led by the strongest, Kurama included. Of course I had to pull a few favors concerning his family so that he would take part."

"I bet his plants are coming in handy," I joked lightly, but the man flinched and mumbled something about someone named Karasu before continuing.

"Hiei is out on the front lines, of course. I would surly hate to be the one who gets in his way. He seemed stressed this morning and nearly cut off my head," he said as he pulled at his white-collar nervously while I smiled. "Most of the Demon Kings army die before they even get to fight, curtsy of Kurama's plants. His soldiers are weak but his army his large -even the strongest of demons become tired."

"And what of Genkai and the others?" I asked quietly, completely drawn in to the man soft voice.

"They…had a few mishaps…" at my alarmed face he threw up his hands, "but all is well. After you ran off Keiko and Shizuru began to attack Kuwabara, but he's used to getting his butt whipped so he's fine. While they were concentrating on him, Genkai knocked the girls out and then they went to the safest place they could find while Hiei kept the infected off of them."

I sighed in relief, happy that no one had died but I still felt uneasy. It was like something was picking at my brain, begging me to see what I couldn't.

"How long until the war is finished and the infected people are cured?"

The man seemed to study me carefully, almost like he was apologizing for something that had yet to happen. I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion but he simply sighed and smoothed over his face. I didn't know why but I was suddenly feeling nervous. I wanted this man to go away and Hiei to come back.

"We will know by morning who has won," he said evenly before be pulled a small jar from his pocket. "Here, Genkai said that if you didn't kill yourself that you would have at least a few broken bones and deep wounds."

He threw it gently so that I could catch it with only one hand though I almost dropped it still. I frowned as I examined the dark pink goo. There was no label and when I opened the jar it had no smell that my weak nose could capture.

Carefully I began to apply to my leg first and then my arm. I was silent as I felt everything begin to tingle and then numb over. It was uncomfortable but not nearly as uncomfortable as having the strange man's eyes watching me. To this day I still do not know his name, but I will never forget the otherworldly presence he possessed and the weight of his solemn eyes.

I could feel him assessing me to the very center of my core, but for the life of me I can't imagine what he could possibly have been searching for.

I did not sleep as I awaited the Suns arrival. I was feeling weak but I couldn't dare close my eyes. Something dark was sneaking up on me and I feared that if I allowed sleep to consume me that when I woke something would be wrong; changed.

I was aware of the men casting me side-long glances and it only furthered my determination to stay awake. I didn't trust him and I knew that there was something he was awaiting for. He seemed almost anxious and by the tapping of his fingers impatient.

I had no idea what time it was when he suddenly stood up, his face serious as he stared outside of the cave. I blinked sluggishly up at him as the fog in my brain refused to subside. Sleep was begging me to give in, but the unease in my heart was telling me to stay awake – to not trust this man and his words.

He may not have hurt me, but there was something he was going to do and if I had fallen asleep than he would have. That's what he was waiting for.

"We must go now Lily," he suddenly said, his honey colored eyes showing the worry that wasn't etched on his carefully stoic face.

"What?" I questioned as he knelt down and scooped me up in his arms. He didn't answer me and I was much too tired to fight against him. I felt something swirling in my head, a light and comforting presence and I wanted to give in to it. I felt drained and it welcomed me release.

The man exited the cave and if I had been in better shape than I would have noted that my head did not erupt in pain. If anything that was a dead giveaway to at least half of the situation.

He didn't seem to get very far, only a few steps away from the cave before a deep growl stopped him in dead in his tracks. I don't know if it was I who shivered or the man who was stricken with fear as he spun around, his face begging the owner of the growl.

"Put her down."

I gasped as I turned towards the profound voice. Relief filled me despite the anger in his voice that seemed to shake my body with its ferocity. The air from my lungs was stolen once my tired eyes landed on him.

His body was covered in wounds and blood but his stature was tall and strong. His eyes were narrowed and shining bright, the Sun rising just behind him and barley peeking through the trees. His sword was drawn and dripping with blood.

He looked like he had just come out of battle…and it was me that he made his first stop to.

"Hiei please, you must understand…" the man began but the demon standing a few feet away cut him off with just the narrowing of his eyes. The looked was deadly and the man shut up with a slight squeak.

It took him a moment to regain his confidence.

"Hiei," the man tried again, "please be logical about this. How much harder would it be for her in end? It would be cruel."

Hiei's glare seemed to lighten slightly as his eyes slid down to me. My heart sputtered in my chest as the emotions in his eyes shifted. This time I knew what it was.

-Acknowledgment…and an unspoken apology.

"I will take care of it," he said quietly, his voice barely above a whisper and his eyes still on mine.

I felt my heart drop. It was like I was falling from a ten-story building, but this time no one was going to be there to save me. I didn't like the feeling. Though I had never given it much thought I had somehow always thought that Hiei was going to be a permanent fixture in my life. My young mind couldn't seem to fathom an alternate possibility.

They say your first love is deadly because it leaves you blinded.

"I will trust your word then, but know that if you don't I will simply do it myself. You have 48 hours. Be wise," the man spoke gravely before walking towards Hiei and dispensing me in his arms.

Bloody or not, I didn't care. Just the smell of him seemed to instantly sooth me but I didn't allow sleep to take effect.

I blinked up at Hiei, willing my eyes to focus and the words to form correctly. He turned his head towards me and shifted me into his arms so that my head was resting on shoulder.

"Did we win? Is it really over?" My voice was sluggish and doused with sleep-deprivation.

Hiei looked away from me and began to walk, the man suddenly gone from the area though I didn't really care. I was glad that he was gone. I knew Hiei wouldn't allow anything to happen to me, but there was still unease shifting around in the dark corners of my mind. I ignored it, my faith in Hiei binding and unshakable.

But it wasn't like him to not be able to look me in the eye.

"Yes," he spoke in his same quiet tone, his eyes looking ahead and faraway.

I turned my eyes to my lap, the lids flickering though I tried to fight it. His chest was bare and the heat of his skin was slowly pulling me closer and closer into oblivion.

**_Sleep…_**

I heard his voice say in my head, his tone soft and alluring as I was suddenly surrounded by his comforting warmth. I couldn't fight it anymore, and slowly I drifted off.

I should have found it strange that I dreamt of my friends walking further and further away from me until I didn't see them anymore, their frames disappearing into a thick mist and not one of them responding to my screams.

Hiei was the last to disappear and the only one to turn around.

_"I'm sorry,"_ his baritone voice echoed around the foggy room despite his lips not moving, before he too turned his back to me and continued on. His voice was even, controlled.

I was left alone.

The dream had me sitting up in bed, tears running down my face as I tried to calm my overactive heart. I took a few deep breaths before throwing my legs over the side and making my way to the bathroom.

My mind was still clouded with sleep as I showered and changed into a comfortable t-shirt and soft fabric shorts. I simply allowed my long thick hair to hang loose as I padded my way into the kitchen. I hummed to myself as I made a ham sandwich, feeling as if I could eat a cow.

The dream for the time being was far from my mind.

I bit into the sandwich before glancing up…and freezing as bright red eyes peered at me from the window seal.

"Hiei?" I tried to say but the sandwich in my mouth muffled it. I blushed at the slight amusement in his eyes, but he seemed oddly subdued.

I blinked in surprise as I chewed slowly, trying to figure out what could be making him act so strangely.

And then it hit me.

I dropped my sandwich on the counter as everything became clear and suddenly I wasn't feeling hungry. I looked myself over, quickly noticing that every mark, wound or broken bone was healed due to Genkai's thoughtful gift.

"What happened Hiei? Is everything back to normal?" I quickly questioned as I ran around my kitchen island and into my living room.

Hiei didn't answer me at first, instead looking past me and at the wall instead.

"The virus has been reversed and no one you know has been killed."

I narrowed my eyes slightly though I was relieved that Keiko and everyone were okay. Something seemed off and Hiei still wouldn't look at me. He was always so confident to the point of overbearing at times, and I found that I didn't like this new version of him.

I noticed that he didn't exactly answer my question. No one may have died but everything wasn't back to normal.

"How come we aren't at the temple then? Why did you bring me here when the temple was closer?"

Perhaps it was all the hours had I spent with Hiei, or maybe it was the moment in cave when he let down his guard, or hell, maybe he allowed me to see it, but he couldn't hide the perturbed emotion that was dancing right behind his indifferent blank stare.

"Hiei," I called softly as I approached him, my steps hesitate in my apprehension. I could see so many different things begin to flash behind his eyes, all of them never staying long enough for me to grasp what they might have been, but I didn't need to.

It was obvious that he was troubled about something and I knew it had to do with me.

Through the window I could see the Sun beginning to rise. I had slept for about 24 hours, if not a little over.

I couldn't help but wonder, what had the man meant when he said that Hiei had 48 hours? I knew that it was nothing good but I couldn't bring myself to ask. I didn't want to know because I knew...that it wasn't going to be good.

I gasped lightly in surprise as Hiei suddenly appeared in front of me, his eyes deep and hiding everything that he was feeling. His stare seemed intense yet oddly void of the emotion that had been there before, which is why I believe that he was allowing me to see his earlier emotions. I still don't understand why.

"Hiei what is…" but he cut me off by placing a long finger against my lips.

He was silent as his eyes ran over the details on my face before finally meeting my gaze again.

"Do you trust me?" he suddenly asked, his voice oddly sardonic and quickly pushing me into anger.

"Yes, as a matter of fact I do!" I yelled.

His eyes flashed as he slid his fingers over my cheek.

"Are you so foolish as to think that you can trust someone you don't know so freely?" he questioned harshly, his eyes jeering and almost as cold as his voice.

-Almost.

His hand began to finger through my damp hair, soft and gentle and contradicting his rough demeanor and harmful words.

"You shouldn't depend on anyone but yourself," he continued. "You will come to regret it. They will turn their backs on you and forget you in the blink of an eye. All it takes is one small hurdle to make them turn the other way."

I remembered my dream; the scene of my friends backs moving further and further away. It kept replaying in my head like an unwanted premonition. My face was twisted up in deep thought and slight hurt as I connected it with Hiei's words. I had no idea what it was he was trying to accomplish, but it succeeded in making me upset.

"When you needed your friends the most they weren't around. How much could you mean to them?"

His fingers were softly brushing across my neck, secretly apologizing for his harsh words. I closed my eyes as I shook my head slightly.

"Maybe not Hiei, but you were," I said softly. I reopened my eyes and smiled slightly, clearly surprising him only enough for me to vaguely see it shining in his darkened gaze.

"Every time I was in trouble you were always there when I needed you. You're the only reason why I am standing here right now. I may be imprudent and abrasive at times but I'm not so stupid that I can't see that you're only saying this for some screwed up reason that would only make sense to you. So stop it Hiei…I…" I cut myself off, my thoughts still continuing on in my head and echoing everything I couldn't bring myself to say.

_I love you…I trust you…_

Suddenly his lips were on mine, hungry and demanding and almost needy.

I allowed him to lead and submitted completely into him as he pulled my body closer to his. I gasped in surprise as my back suddenly hit my carpet, the wind getting knocked out of me slightly, but I was soon forgetting all about it when his tongue slid against mine.

I couldn't help to moan into the kiss as it suddenly turned from needing and hungry to passionate and sensual, his tongue sliding against mine and demanding dominance. I was vaguely aware of his bandaged hand running up my leg and going under my shirt until he gripped my bare breast. I groaned in surprise as he kneaded the flesh, his mouth leaving mine and trailing down my jaw line. I closed my eyes and fingered his hair as he nipped and kissed my neck, but that was nothing compared to the feeling of him roughly grinding into me.

I couldn't stop the moan and my body from tensing and rising in response as he pressed his erection against me. It seemed surreal that we were doing this after everything that happened. His touches and kisses had completely set me on fire and awakened a passion that I didn't even know was there. It was like nothing I had ever felt before.

It was completely sinful.

He growled deeply before ripping off my shirt. I didn't even try to fight him because I wanted it just as bad as he did. His mouth was suddenly on my breast, his rough attentions only proving to excite me more. He switched to the other one, gently nipping at the nipple and causing a surprised gasp out of me before he trailed kisses down my stomach.

Through passion coated eyes I watched as he slid my shorts and undergarments down, my brain failing to process that he was seeing me more intimately than anyone else had before.

His eyes snapped up to mine, the crimson orbs bright and just as passionate. My body was heated to the point of painful just by seeing the fiery want in his gaze. The fact that it was me affecting him so badly stopped me from getting embarrassed as his eyes roamed my body.

The light smirk on his face showed his approval.

I screamed out as he entered a finger, my body quickly heating to new heights as he lowered his head, his eyes completely wicked before he flicked out his tongue.

Before I knew it I was tossing and turning my head, his hand on my stomach stopping me from thrusting into his mouth. I couldn't seem to think as I felt my release building, and the pure intensity had me practically sobbing as it took me under and threatened make me lose consciousness.

"Hiei," I moaned as I gently yanked his hair, my eyes barely open and out of focus as he allowed me to guide him.

Without my notice he had removed his pants, but I was quickly aware of it when he placed himself in-between my legs. He gently rolled his hips which made me softly moan as I wrapped my legs around his waist, pressing him even further against me.

I met his eyes and I will never forget the vast amount of emotion that was clear as day and deeper than an ocean. I could see that he cared for me, and while I don't think that he felt the way I did (after all, how could he?) it stopped my heart just knowing that he felt something. It was unbelievable.

It was slight, but I also saw what I thought to be uncertainty lurking within his gaze. The moment I noticed it however it was gone and he was beginning to slowly enter me, rolling his hips ever so slightly. While there was pain, it didn't seem to measure up to the pleasure that was soon rocking my body.

His eyes were on mine, his hands never staying in one place, and his body thrusting into mine with a rough yet slow pace. All that existed was my moans and his eyes, and it seemed as if we had been this way for an eternity.

My hands roamed his chest, my fingers brushing over his muscles as I admired every detail of his body. He never once stumbled in his pace and every once and awhile when my nails would slice down his back he would growl and slam into me, nearly pushing me over my edge.

While it seemed like forever I know it didn't take me too long to reach my peak, and when I did I blacked out due to the intensity that was almost painful. I moaned long and loud as I clutched onto Hiei, afraid that if I let him go I was going to float off and never return.

His mouth was against my ear, his body still inside of mine and thrusting ever so slightly before he began to lean back, taking me with him.

"Hiei?" I questioned softly, but I was soon surrounded by a gust of wind before suddenly collapsing on my bed.

Hiei wasted no time explaining and instead began to move once more. It didn't take long before I was moaning and clawing at him all over again.

It was pure magic and everywhere he touched left my skin burning with desire. He was rough, but never once hurt me which showed that he was also being gentle, just in his own way. I was surrounded by his erotic scent and for hours we explored each other, him showing me all the things I never imagined that I would learn due to my standoffish ways.

I often find myself dreaming of the moment when I peered down at him and saw softness lurking within his gaze as he watched me. He allowed me to take my time and explore, not seeming to get annoyed if I didn't stick with the pace he set. His hands kept sliding down my body as I rolled my hips and expressed my delight.

It was the only time I had ever seen Hiei be tender and understanding.

Finally my human body couldn't take no more but I couldn't help the lazy smile from entering my face as the reality finally set in.

Did this mean that things between us would change? Despite the hope that was coursing through my veins I wasn't feeling so hopeful.

"Even if I never see you again, no that I will never forget you Hiei," I whispered softly, my eyes gazing into to his as I tried to show him the honesty of my words. I wanted him to know I meant it.

Hiei peered down at me, his eyes showing nothing as he moved down to kiss me. He lips hovered above mine, barely touching, growing distant. Despite what had taken place I was feeling detached from him. Whatever it was that my words were making him feel he didn't want me to see.

He was pulling away.

"Will you stay with me?" I questioned softly, fearing that he was about to get his cloths and leave. I suppose I just knew that my time with him was coming to an end though I didn't want to see it.

He didn't reply -he simply removed himself from me and lied down by my side. I turned so I could face him, my eyes flickering slightly before I spotted something wrong with his forehead. Under the white bandana something was glowing purple.

My mouth opened, but nothing came out as I was suddenly drifting off into sleep. I watched Hiei's body blur, the feeling of his rough hand caressing my cheek starting to fade away as everything went black.

I hung on the best I could but it was no use.

**_You're trust in me was misplaced. Forgive me Onna...I am no different from all the rest.  
_**

I began to breathe harder as a sob got caught up in my throat. There was barely enough time for my heart to break before I was floating into nothingness. Further and further away I drifted in the deepest parts of my mind.

Pictures flashed across my eyes, all of them, random and fast before disappearing into a place I couldn't reach.

The day Keiko and I first met, the day I met Yusuke and we got into an argument about him hurting Keiko, the day I met Kuwabara and instantly liked his sweet ways, the day I met Kurama and was secretly wowed by his beauty…and the day I met Hiei when he wrecked Yukina's wedding.

I tried to hold on to the memories flying across my mental eye but they never stayed long, and soon I was feeling like parts of me were missing.

The last to play before me was the moment I had just spent with Hiei. This stayed longer than all the rest, and desperately I tried to hold on to it. I was surrounded by his warmth and I briefly wondered if he was seeing my memories to, but this memory was no different from the rest and it too was out of sight. I was left feeling lost and empty.

Who were those people who were slowly disappearing from my mind and why did it hurt me so?

**_Your life will be better…_**

I heard a vaguely familiar voice whisper but soon even my subconscious was baited into sleep. Just like that everything was erased and everything I thought I knew no longer existed.

Now when I think back I can hear the regret in his voice, which hurts me more than what he did. He took my virginity, he took the position of my first love, but the sound of his voice told me that it was something he didn't want to do. I can not be upset with him regardless of his selfish actions.

Truly it seems like a bad movie but I know he did for my own benefit, not because he was ordered to.

He never imagined that I would end up remembering, but I meant it when I said I could never forget him.

I opened my eyes and smiled at the Sun peeking through my curtain. Today was a beautiful day, and I was excitement for the day to unfold even though I had to go to work. I threw my legs over the side of my bed and froze when I felt a pain in-between my legs.

"What the hell?" I mumbled as I stood up, my shorts and t-shirt feeling a little uncomfortable on my aching body.

"What did I do last night?" I mumbled and then froze as I tried to recall the events.

My face was twisted up in confusion for the only thing I could recall was showering. According to my memory I showered, began eating a ham sandwich which I dropped and then…went to bed?

I felt like I was trapped in a deja-vu that wouldn't form all of the way.

I hurried out of my room and to the kitchen. Sure enough there was only one bite taken out of the sandwich. I blinked a few times and looked around my apartment, trying to find anything that would make sense.

Everything seemed exactly how it should be, yet I felt as if I was missing a very important detail.

I sighed and walked into my living room, heading straight for the window before peeking out. Children were playing in the parking lot and the roads were still busy as hell. I sighed again, something within my chest aching slightly before I plopped down on the couch and turned the TV on. It was on the news and talking about some football game that I really didn't care about. Everything seemed normal.

A smell was carried through the air and soon I was frozen solid as I soaked up the delectable scent. Fire smoke –was someone burning a fire nearby? I bent down and sniffed my skin, blinking in surprise when the faint smell was coming from me. Something was nagging the back of mind but for the life of me I couldn't figure out what I was forgetting.

Was it my mom's birthday?

I shrugged and continued watching the news, the thought of something missing being tossed aside as I listened to a report about a riot that took place the night before. Stores were burned to the ground and people were beat to a blood pulp.

I found it strange that I didn't know of it when it was so close to where I lived, but something stopped me from delving any deeper than brief contemplation. It was like the last seven years of my life never existed.

* * *

**So I would just like to say that I hope you don't hate me. All things will be tied together, and if it helps she obviously the ends up remembering our favorite fire demon, or else she wouldn't have been writing this story. If there was OC in this chapter I'm sorry, but he was going to erase her memories anyway. I hope I didn't scare all of you off lol**

**There's only about two chapter left. Happy labor day!  
**


	8. Chapter 8

**I am so sorry for the wait but I have good news...THIS IS THE LAST CHAPTER. I was going to post it in two but decided against it so here you go. I know that some of you may not like the ending but I wrote this story knowing where it would go.**

**If a human women fell in love with Hiei what would happen?  
**

**Anyway, I would like to thank, Just 2 Dream Of You, Ozzy 1313, LovingTea, Kisa19, Kagome141414, Takara Rose Oizumi, kungfupandabear, and Jarolyn for taking the time out of their day to review/ message me =D I love you all and I hope you enjoyed this drama filled story.  
**

* * *

I was smiling as I entered my work the next morning.

"Hello Anne, how is your husband doing?" I asked one of my coworkers as I made my way to the office areas in the back.

"He is doing great. He finally fought off the cancer and is well on his way to recovery," the middle-aged woman responded happily.

"That's wonderful!" I said as I continued on, nodding at a few more people until I finally reached Brandon's office.

I opened the door and stepped inside, smiling when I saw that he was leaning back in his seat with his feet on his desk and his eyes closed.

"The last time your father caught you doing that he nearly lost his head and took yours," I joked as I crossed my arms and cocked my hip to the side. My smile was soft and amused as I watched Brandon nearly fall out of his chair before catching himself at the last-minute.

He chuckled once he steadied himself. He pushed up his glasses and put his elbow on his desk, resting his head on his open palm as he stared at me with his lazy deep blue eyes. My heart was fluttering slightly at being put under his gaze.

There was a part of me that wanted to shut him out, to go somewhere else, to have someone ELSE look at me like that. There was a part of me that wanted to scoff at his obvious romantic interest, because that small part of me felt that he would never be able to give me what I needed and wished for in life.

-Someone to protect me.

**-Someone to watch the word ****_burn _****with.**

I blinked in surprise, completely taken back by my dark and angry thoughts that seemed so sudden and out-of-place in my rather content mind. I didn't understand where such bitter feelings were coming from. It didn't sound like me.

Thinking back it is quite odd how different I had become. It's funny how even the smallest experiences in life can shape who you are.

"Eh, the old man is out-of-town with my mom for the week."

Brandon's calm voice snapped me out of my thoughts as he stood up and moved around so he could sit on top of his desk.

"That's nice. Did they go to visit your grandmother?" I asked softly.

"Yeah, she's going to throw a fit at that fact that I didn't come as well," he chuckled before his face became serious.

It was an expression that I knew too well before my memory got altered. However, the memories that Hiei took from me caused me to react rather differently. He must have known…that I became who I was because of those memories.

I cherished them, still do, but some things are better left unknown.

"Lily, go out with me tonight. We'll just go for a friendly dinner after work and then I'll let you go home if you wish."

I smiled and rolled my eyes, something I NEVER did with Brandon before. Sometimes it's still hard to believe. I was so carefree and unafraid.

"Sure, sure, I don't see why not. It'll be just like that time I forgot my lunch and we shared your tater tots."

Brandon chuckled lightly, a beautiful sparkle in his eye as he gave me the most tender look I had ever received. In my life before, Brandon had reframed from looking at me like that. It hurts to remember how cold I was to him even though he himself did not remember. I spent most of my life making up for it.

"I was hoping it to be a little more…romantic," he said gently before stretching cross his desk and grabbing a basket full of papers.

"I see," I said quietly as I took it from him, staring openly into his eyes before smiling and heading to my own office.

The whole day my mind was at ease instead of full of hatred for my job. Age has shown me many things, but I had never considered how my personality became so unbearable.

It's called the snowball effect.

One decision, one moment in time -it can lead up to a much bigger picture and sometimes ignorance can save you from a life time of pain. Every flaw or rotten thought that we have is triggered by something small from the past.

Or in my case…is triggered by meeting people I should never have met in the first place. No matter how much I didn't want to be, I am still but a mere human.

Brandon was waiting for me outside of my office, and together we made our way out of the doors. I didn't mind that my coworkers were watching and giggling at us as we passed. If anything it made my heart warm.

I followed Brandon as we walked down the sidewalk, a comforting silence between us as we both watched the people walk by in content. Being around Brandon made me feel calm and at ease. He was always in such a light mood. If he were trapped in a room full of people who were mocking him he wouldn't even care. He was proud of who he was, and being around him made me want to be to.

But of course I didn't know how I was before, and if I had I wouldn't have felt so disappointed in the small part of me that cared of what others thought.

"Ah, here we are. It's really a delightful place. I come here to work or read often,"  
Brandon said casually has he held open the door for me.

My eyes immediately landed on the young woman behind the counter. I stumbled in my step as her eyes lifted to meet mine. Her brown eyes were sparkling in a joy that not many got to witness in their everyday lives, and her smile was kind and wide.

Looking at her I could feel unease in my mind and for a moment I wanted to throw up. Even then I was trying to remember though I didn't know I had forgotten something having to do with her. To me she was just another classmate.

"Hey, I know you! We went to the same high school right?" Keiko asked, and though I didn't know why I got the urge to cry. My heart-felt broken.

**She forgot me…**

There was the voice again, but to me it was nonsense. I have spent many years wondering why Keiko's memories were erased and altered as well. When I remember the look in her eyes, the look you would give a simple stranger, I can't help but think of Yusuke and how badly it must have hurt him…to have the only woman who loved him not remember who he is.

When I remember her eyes from that day, the last day I ever saw who used to be my best friend, I know that she didn't remember me either…and unlike me she wasn't trying to remember because in truth she wanted to forget.

No, in that moment I had no idea I had risked my life for her, had cried on her when I things became too hard and had loved her like she was the family I never got to have. Even then she had affected me to the point that looking at her made me want to weep until I threw up.

Keiko wanted to forget Yusuke, Kuwabara, me –she wanted to forget everyone.

I don't understand how she could ever want to get rid of those memories, even the bad.

"What a pleasant surprise. I wasn't expecting to see you here Keiko. Your parents were shorthanded today?"

"Oh, yeah, unfortunately my mother caught a cold. Since I moved back home I figured I might as well help where I can."

I looked away from Keiko, not able to look at her anymore as she and Brandon talked like old friends. It seemed wrong and it made me feel alone. Keiko had always been fond of Brandon so it was no wonder that they were friends without other influences in Keiko's life.

It was also no wonder that she made no move to become my friend without a cloud of darkness hovering above her. I see now what the strange man meant when he said that it would be hard for me. He meant that I would have a hard time moving on with my life unless they took away the last seven years.

Whoever he was he knew that I would be all alone because whatever it was holding us all together was gone. Keiko and I no longer had a secret that we couldn't share with no one but ourselves. It hurts to know that the removal of a secret and everyone involved eased me from her completely.

Often I used to wonder why she put up with me, why she remained smiling and ever so patient until her breaking point. She didn't want to carry the burden of Yusuke's secret alone. Without a secret to carry she had no reason to know me or to get to know me.

"What would you like to have Lily? Everything here is a wonderful choice."

Almost mechanically I told Brandon what I wanted, a smile on my face though being close to Keiko only made me want to breakdown. I knew that we went to the same school, but that was as far as my memory of her went. It's sad really and I find myself thinking of it more than what is healthy these days.

Brandon and I sat down at a table and passed the time with idle chitchat. I soon found myself calming the more I listened to him speak of the pranks he pulled on his hard ass of a father. Our food came, carried by Keiko's father since she had been released of her duty and went out.

Her father told Brandon that she had a date with a nice boy named Haru before laughing in joy and walking back to the kitchen.

I wonder if Yusuke ever checked in on her.

Soon the Sun was almost down and Brandon and I were simply enjoying each other's company. I was feeling worn and happy by the time we began to walk back to our work place and to our cars.

He allowed me to think, though I wasn't over thinking like I normally would have been. I watched him through the corner of my eye, completely blown away by his deep-set eyes, wild brown hair and the small smile that so beautifully pulled up his silky lips.

Brandon had always reminded me of the ocean. He was so much deeper than he appeared.

I gasped when I suddenly hit his back; my face pressed in-between his shoulder blades as his left arm curled around to press me tightly behind him.

"I don't care who you are or what you want, but you're not getting it here. Let us be on our way and there won't be any trouble."

I felt my heart drop when I heard deep laugher and the cocking of a gun. I was feeling cold as I clutched Brandon's shirt and in response he gripped me tighter to him.

"And what does a scrawny man like yourself feel he can do to save that little bitch behind you and whatever is in your wallets?"

Brandon stiffened but I was wrong in thinking that he was afraid.

"Don't you dare talk down to her you lowlife," he hissed dangerously, his smooth voice lower and dead serious.

The man laughed and began to approach us as I peeked around Brandon enough to see. It was a tall dark man who looked like he used to be handsome before he started to lose his hair and teeth. With just one look at the walking corpse and I knew that he was an addict and there wasn't a thing that he wouldn't do to get what he wanted.

"I'll tell you what. If you get down and beg for your life and allow to me to play with your pretty little girlfriend for a bit than I might let you go," the man teased.

Brandon scoffed. "Don't fuck with me trash. I know your type only too well to fall for that."

That was the first time I ever heard Brandon curse. It's amazing what people can and will do when they are backed into a corner.

The man growled but before I could see what was going on I was pushed to the side, my hands scraping against the pavement when I caught myself. I looked up and watched in amazement as Brandon held off the man before punching him square in the jaw. The man dropped his gun before falling to the ground, blood gushing from his face in angry streams.

In the distance I could hear sirens but I was only aware of Brandon. He ran towards me, worry etched on his face as he looked me over. When he got to my hands he seemed overwhelmed with concern.

Only a few moments before he was harsh and dangerous, but it was still hard to imagine Brandon as anything but carefree and gentle.

"Don't look at me like that Brandon," I whispered quietly and slowly he looked from my bleeding hands to my face. "You look so worried but you're the one who could have just been killed."

His worry slowly turned to sadness as he cupped my cheek, his eyes serious and demanding.

"If I would have been killed it would have been you who suffered."

I could feel it whelming up in my eyes but I couldn't seem to stop it as he gently wiped my tears as I cried in front of him for the first time. I wasn't sure why I was crying, but I believe that before my memories had been erased I was so sure that no human man, Brandon included, would ever do what he just did and subconsciously I remembered those lost feelings.

I never believed that he would protect me.

"Lily, I know that your mother really caused you to not want to trust anyone, but I will always be there for you even when no one else is. Even if everyone were to forget you ever existed I will always be here, just as I always have been -no matter what."

Before I could even think I was in his arms and sobbing my heart out. I was confused about why I was so emotional and why I felt so much hurt and a strange contradiction of happiness, but he never once asked what the tears were for and why I was holding on to him for dear life.

That little bitter part in me seemed to fade away. Brandon had proved me wrong though neither he nor I knew it.

And in that way I am thankful for the short time that I remembered nothing of Keiko and the others. If not for that then I never would have gotten to see the man hiding behind Brandon's boyish smile.

Everything I had been searching for had been right in front of me for the majority of my life, but I was too virulent, too scared, and too stupid to realize it. What I needed was someone with human skin, someone I could grow old with.

Yes, I loved and still love Hiei; I don't see how I couldn't even though my time with him was short.

I would love to see him once last time but I know better than to wish for it.

It seemed like the days went by in a flash, and if I had known who I really was than I would have been surprised and pissed when I arrived at a rundown apartment with determination in my mind. I took a deep breath and exited my car, ignoring the rough-looking men and unhealthy woman who were watching me the whole way.

I learned at a young age to just keep my head down while watching everything around me.

The moment I entered I had to stop myself from turning around due to the musky scent. Instead I held my nose, ignoring the dirty look from an old man who was leaving as I made my way to a place I hadn't seen since I moved out.

I had forgotten how bad it was and it seemed that within my absence it had gotten even worst. The creamy wall paper was peeling and covered in gunk and the floor creaked and had random "unknown" stains drenching it.

It was revolting and made me appreciate my dinky apartment. It was small but at least it wasn't infected with roaches.

I paused in front of a yellow stained door, my eyes narrowed as I took a deep breath before knocking loudly. I heard crashes that sounded like a glass bottle dropping before the door swung open and black sunken eyes peered at me from the other side.

"I don't got nothing for you little girl. Go away," my mother slurred as she tried to slam the door in my face.

She didn't remember me in the least, but I was done watching her kill herself. The small sting of pain was minor compared to my fortitude.

"Mother, you will open this door and let me in. I'm done with this bull shit "old woman," I snapped out angrily.

She blinked, and then blinked again before recognition finally registered on her thin face. She took a step back and scoffed as she looked up at me slightly.

"I see that attitude of yours is still there. Ha, nice to know my kid's not a pussy. You took after your old man. Everything he said was an insult or some smartass comment. That's where you get your hair."

I felt my heart soften because pain was laced in her drunken words. She snuffled a little as she made her way over trash and bottles so she could sit on an old green couch in the middle of the room. With just one look around I could see that the couch was the only thing she did have.

Everything else she either sold or had taken away. My mother was on her last straw and judging by her knotted brown hair and stained cloths; she was in need of some saving…and soap.

I have never been the saving type, but I did love my mother despite her harmful words and actions. There was a time when she was beautiful and loving. She even used to garden and allowed me to be her "little helper." The memory of it is vague because the moment my father left that beautiful woman died.

She may have loved him more than she loved me, but I felt as if I owed her something.

I never once told her I loved her or tried to help. I didn't care that she would drink to the point of passing out, or that when she slept I could hear her crying from the other room.

I just didn't care about anything at all besides myself, and it pains me to think that I never would have taken the time to see her and what she was doing to herself. I only saw my own pain but never bothered to see hers.

And I would have continued to never bother. It was almost as if something compelled me to help her and it came in the form of a guilt that I was incapable of feeling before.

"Mom, why do you do that to yourself? My father was nothing more than a sperm donor as far as I'm concerned. I only have one memory and it was of him leaving us for dead."

My mother closed her eyes as she sank down into the couch. I remained standing and near the door. In the past if I dared to say one ill thing about my father she would fall into rage and then go on a drinking binge.

I didn't feel like getting a black eye.

"I know," she said much to my surprise.

I was stunned for a moment as I continued to stand and wait for a meltdown that never came.

"What is it that you want from me Lillian?" she asked as she turned towards me slightly. Her eyes were hollow but I could see a small shimmer of the woman who fell in love with the wrong man.

I knew in that moment that what I was doing was not as hopeless as I originally thought.

"I'm taking you to rehab," I said dryly.

She merely chuckled.

I cleared my throat and took a step forward. "So pack some cloths and let's get a move on."

I watched in silence as she lowered her head.

"You're a good kid. I always thought you would end up like me, chasing after an unavailable man. I thought that if I had you than he would love me and stay with me. But I was young and stupid and you suffered for it…I've been so horrible to you. I don't want to live like this anymore."

I felt my heart breaking as her voice began to crack, and out came a young woman who made all the wrong decision because of love. I could hear in her voice that she was getting ready to cry.

"Then get up and come with me," I said softly as she lifted her head to meet my gaze that was still across the room. Old habits are hard to break and I was too untrusting when it came to my mother.

She said nothing as she stood up and stumbled towards her room. I held my breath for what seemed like forever until she finally made her reappearance and in her hand was a small black suitcase.

"Um, should we clean up a little bit?" I asked as I looked around at the bottle covered floor, but my mom only snorted while putting a cigarette in-between her lips.

"My landlord is a perverted bastard. He can get his fat ass in here and clean it himself."

I couldn't help but to smile as I followed my mom out of her apartment, down the stairs and to my car. Neither of us said a word as I drove the few hours to a rehab center that I looked up a few days earlier, and I could tell that my mom was taking the time to think of what was to become of her life.

That whole time I had a funny feeling in my chest, something that was similar to déjà vu though I couldn't figure out what was causing the feeling.

Of course now I know that someone named Boton had called Brandon saying that I put my mom in rehab and that was why I missed work, when in reality I was getting tortured by a crazed demon.

My life seemed to fall into place after that. My mom became clean and stayed with me until she got a job and back on her own two feet and Brandon and I decided to give it a try and became a couple. But between the happiness something in my heart seemed off and as the years worn on the feeling became more prominent.

I gained friends, fell in love with Brandon and ended up marrying him at the age of twenty-six. My life was normal and calm with small flickers of drama here and there and I was happy; so unbelievably happy.

But one crisp morning while Brandon was at work I decided to go jogging around the park, a little anxious to get out of the house Brandon and I bought. It was an overcast day, the air a little chilly due to the breezed carried in by the ocean, but it didn't stop me.

I did stop however when I arrived at the park. It felt as if weights were weighing down on my heart as I looked around, faint ghost moving slowly before me as I tried to figure out what it was about the park that made me feel as if I was missing something.

But then I saw it, the ghost figures becoming more defined as I fell down to my knees and began to cry as everything rushed into my head at once. Keiko, Yusuke, Kuwabara…Hiei; for four years I didn't remember all of them and when I ran into Keiko she didn't remember me either.

Did all the people infected get their memories altered and erased, even the people who knew of what was going on?

I know now the answer to that question, but I will never know the answer why.

With Brandon I was the happiest I had ever been and it seemed that Keiko, though I only saw her that once, was more carefree than she was before.

But what stung me more was my last moments with Hiei before he took it away. A part of me wanted to go to Demon World and kick his ass, but another part of me felt bittersweet.

I wasn't sure what I was supposed to do from the moment on –Continue to walk the path laid out for me or allow these now remembered memories to drag me backwards through a path I shouldn't have walked to begin with.

I was torn into two, but I wasn't who I was before due to the fact that I had resolved the problems that caused me to have so many negative qualities. My mother and I had a good relationship and I no longer felt so alone and afraid to let someone in.

Fear is always what holds you down in the end; rather it's the thing itself or the fear of facing your problems.

But it seemed that I had faced all of my demons except the situation with Hiei. I was married to Brandon and I had believed that he was my first love and the first one I had been intimate with. Knowing that after all the years I had been with Brandon was painful.

So when I finally made it home and saw him relaxing on the couch in nothing but a pair of slacks I couldn't help but to silently watch him, the whole time remembering how cruel I was yet he never turned away.

I knew then that while I would always remember Hiei and love him, that I couldn't allow that to stop me from living my life. Since our last moments together I had been trying to remember him and I guess seeing the park that Hiei saved me from mindless husks was finally enough, and though forgetting would have been easier I would have went the rest of my like feeling incomplete.

I don't know if Hiei meant for me to someday remember or if he wanted to completely erase any sign of himself but it didn't matter.

"What are you doing Lily?" Brandon asked when he finally noticed that I was home.

I simply smiled as I approached him before straddling his waist and kissing him deeply. Though he didn't know it, I was apologizing for how I had been and as the same time coming to terms with the secrets I was going to have to keep to myself.

And though sometimes it became hard I never allowed a thing to slip. Not even when I had my first child, or my second, or my third. There were times when I would look up in the trees and wonder if he ever came to see how I was doing, and other times when I would look up at the moon and wonder if he were looking up as the sky as well.

It seemed that every night I slept he was there, and some may see it wrong to dream of another man but I never once wished for my husband to turn into Hiei, and when we made love I was not thinking of someone else.

I just dreamed of him and still do. Sometimes in the dream we don't even speak or make contact. I suppose it's just a way to comfort myself, to show myself that he was real and alive somewhere, hopefully making a family of his own.

I kept tabs on Keiko and she ended up marrying and having two boys. It seemed as if she was happy, but I never got close enough to really see the inner workings.

As for Shizuru, Genkai, Yusuke, Kuwabara, Yukina, Hiei and Kurama; what became of them is still a mystery to me. I hope however that they are happy wherever they are.

I was never able to find them and I would have driven to the temple but I didn't want anyone to know I remember for fear that they would try to alter my memories again. Not too long ago I stopped checking in on Keiko when Brandon left this world due to a heart attack. I did my best to pull my family through but only a year later I myself fell ill.

I have tittered on the edge ever since, but I feel that now I have done what is needed to allow myself peace. The secrets I have carried throughout my life don't seem so heavy on me now, even if no one ever reads this.

Maybe I will be meeting some old friends along with my husband soon. One can only hope.

As for Hiei, I never stopped loving him not even for a second. Maybe someday I will see him again so I will be able to thank him. If not for him I would have died far too soon. If not for him I would have never learned what love was and what it felt like. If not for him I would have never turned into the person I am today.

Hiei may be seen as a monster by some but to me he is my savior. He did what I thought no one could do.

He saved me from myself.

.

.

.

He closed the book and then closed his eyes as the last line repeated in his head, her soft voice saying the words instead of his own.

_He saved me from myself...He saved me from myself…_

That always subdued him and made his heart clench tightly in his chest.

"Reading her diary again Hiei?"

He opened his eyes, revealing deep crimson orbs that were much too frozen for the vast amount of different emotions spinning around inside of him. It was like this every time he sat down and reread the small black journal.

He gently put it in his pocket as he glared at the intruder from up in the Makai trees.

"Hn."

The fox demon below him smiled what some would say to be a frightening smile, but Hiei could see the playful glimmer shining in his golden eyes.

"She hated when you did that you know."

"I know."

The two demons fell silent as the fox allowed his longtime friend to get a grip on himself before they continued on with their journey. He was always in a somber mood afterwards and often the fox wondered what Lily had written before her death.

However, Hiei never allowed anyone to even touch it, instead keeping it near him at all times or putting it in a safe place when he was doing something too dangerous for its fragile bindings.

"Kurama."

The old fox turned towards his friend who was now standing beside him and together they began to run towards Tourin, keeping a comfortable yet efficient pace. It didn't take them long until they spotted the tall stone tower and so they slowed down to a walk so they wouldn't surprise Tourin's soldiers who were still a bit weary of them.

"Welcome back General Kurama and Hiei. My lord has been waiting for you."

Hiei felt a swell of amusement when he saw the relief on the bald demons face. His voice sounded strained and his body tense. Yusuke was no doubt torturing his loyal followers again.

It's surprising he has as many as he does and that most of them remain ever so patient with their Lord. Hiei would have killed him in a matter of seconds if he tried to do to him what he did to his men. No one steals all of his cloths and gets away with it.

"It seems Yusuke hasn't changed as much as his appearance pronounces," Kurama mused as they made their way up into the top room of the tower.

Hiei snorted. "If you ask me he has gotten worst."

Kurama chuckled as he pushed some thick silver hair over his shoulder.

"They say that Raizen was a prankster as well. His followers are most likely used to Yusuke's treatment. Father like son after all."

They fell into silence as they neared the door at the top. Hiei pushed it open and walked in first all the while looking around with narrowed eyes as he examined the empty room.

He spun around, his arm held out to block a large fist from hitting his face and breaking every bone in it.

"Damn, still too fast for me," Yusuke said as he lowered the fist that was just inches from Hiei's arm.

He was wearing a crooked grin and for a moment Hiei saw a young kid with black hair and nothing but pure luck on his side. Instead standing before him was someone born out of that cocky kid he used to know. His hair was no longer black but instead long and silver and the tattoos he gained when he transforms into his demons form were worn proudly.

And though his eyes were still brown and always holding mischief, there was a serene calmness, a certain maturity, that hadn't been there before.

It was three-hundred years ago that they had fought against the rogue Demon King. When Koenma announced that his father wanted every human who was affected by the virus to have their memories altered, Yusuke had no choice but to follow Hiei into Demon World. He decided to take over his lands and since then he had worked on perfecting the thing he called democracy.

For a long time the ex-spirit detective was far from himself as he grieved for the life he so desperately wanted yet never got. The only thing that stopped him from falling into depression was that Keiko would finally be free of the burdens he laid down upon her.

The only thing he ever wanted was for her to be happy, and Boton often visited him to assure that Keiko was living the life that she deserved.

Kurama had decided that his time as Shuichi was up and ordered Koenma to erase all memory of him. Though he didn't want to leave his human mother, he finally understood that he could never truly live his life as a human and he was only putting her in danger by sticking around.

Though Youko Kurama was back for good and Shuichi no longer existed, he was far from the cold, selfish demon he was before. He had learned compassion and how to love, though his enemies saw no tinge of it.

"Damn Hiei, you need to stop growing. What are you, like 6 foot 7? Where's that little twerp I used to know and love? Kuwabara would have a field day if he could see you now."

Hiei snorted but smiled nonetheless. "I would enjoy the look on his ugly face," Hiei added, making Yusuke snicker before the air sobered slightly.

"I still miss him and Grandma. I know Yukina does to."

The three demons walked further into the room before settling down on the floor. They always did this once a year.

"I think we all miss the old days. It seems like just yesterday we were all together, trying to save the world," Kurama added softly.

"Yeah, it does. Things didn't turn out too bad though. Even Yukina is doing well in the ice world with her girls and Kazuma JR. I heard that she is making progress with changing the elder's minds. Apparently Kuwabara's kid is a lot smoother with women than he was."

Hiei snorted but remained silent. He never spoke during these parts.

"That's good to hear. I know she was concerned that they would harm Kazuma the moment they laid eyes on him," Kurama chuckled lightly. "Remember what Shizuru did when she found out what Kuwabara named his son?"

Yusuke chuckled, "Yeah. That was almost as funny as when Koenma tried to erase her memories. She frightened him so bad I think he had to get a diaper change afterwards. I think Shizuru was the only one who ended up remembering everything."

"No," Hiei interrupted, "she was not the only one."

Yusuke blinked, and then blinked again before he gave up trying to solve what felt like a puzzle.

"Then who else?" he finally questioned, but it wasn't Hiei who answered.

"Lily. How was it that she remembered? You altered her memories yourself."

Yusuke eyes went wide. "All of these fucking years and you're just now letting us know? What the hell Hiei? We could have visited her before she died."

Though Hiei's face was completely indifferent he felt a bit of desolation grip his heart.

"I did not know until she already passed," he said smoothly but his friends could hear the slight strain to his voice.

They didn't exactly know the extent of Hiei's feelings towards Lily for Hiei was a private being and hardly even spoke of her out loud, but they could see that something between them had happened while they were dealing with their own problems.

"Oh," Yusuke said softly, "then she must have lived her life with a lot of secrets."

"Indeed, but Lily has always been a strong individual even though she herself couldn't see it. I'm sure she lived the life that she wanted and died knowing that we didn't abandon her," Kurama added as he stole a glance at Hiei's pocket.

"I sure hope so," Yusuke whispered before he sighed, his eyes becoming heavy with despair. "When Lily died, Boton told me that Keiko cried for a week straight though she didn't remember her or even knew that it happened. Not even a month later Keiko followed her…do you think they're laughing at us right now because we look like old woman gossiping about the golden days?"

Kurama smiled slightly. "I'm sure they are Yusuke."

The room turned silent as they each fell into their own thoughts.

"So," Yusuke started slowly as his eyes began to twinkle in a way that Hiei hated, "now that you're taller than Mukuro I bet she's all over you huh. In her own way she is kind of hot…that is if you're in to the dominatrix sort of thing…"

Yusuke wasn't able to add-on as he quickly blocked a punch aimed for his face. The blow shook his whole body and would surly leave a bruise and possibly a fracture.

"Damn Hiei, I was just joking," Yusuke called as his watched the fire demon walk swiftly towards the doorway.

"Hn, you're an idiot," was the last thing his two friends heard before he left and began to run back towards Alaric.

When he reached the borders that connected it with Gandara Hiei slowed down to a stop.

After their yearly meetings it always left him with feelings of displacement and he always seemed to leave abruptly every time. He often thought of the way it used to be.

-He often though of _her_.

Hiei looked up towards the Makai sky, watching as it began to darken as the purple clouds claimed dominance over the orange background.

Hiei had only gone to see how the human onna was doing once, but he didn't dare read her thoughts for fear that his presence in her mind would awaken what he locked away. He didn't think that she would overcome the block he put in her mind, but she had and he had no idea until she passed and he got his hands on her journal that was hidden under the mattress.

He had no idea that when he was watching her play with her children in the backyard and she turned towards him looking right in his direction, she somehow had a feeling that he was there.

He was surprised that it was the smell of fire smoke that caught her attention.

Hiei stared up in wonder, his thoughts on hold as it began to pour down rain. Hiei didn't bother to get out of it though a small amount of steam was rising from his skin due to the cold water hitting his heated flesh before he could cool himself down.

She loved the rain.

Hiei began to run again, ignoring the water that was now aggressively hitting against him. He only slowed when he saw Mukuro's castle approaching and once inside he flared up his energy and shook himself off like a dog. He was dry in a matter of seconds.

"I thought you were going to be gone for a few days."

Hiei turned towards the familiar voice and snorted. "Yusuke doesn't know when to shut up."

"Hiei neither do you at times," Mukuro teased, her bright blue eye holding amusement as a smile pulled up on one side of her mouth.

Hiei smirked but didn't reply as he began to walk to his chambers.

"What did he say to you this time?" Mukuro asked as she looked up at her oldest companion.

"You don't want to know," he replied as he reached down and grabbed the chain around Mukuro's neck, gently fingering the tear gem before laying it back down on her chest.

"I'm sure I don't," she replied before Hiei continued on to his rooms.

Yusuke was in a way right, but Hiei would never tell him that. If he ever found proof Hiei wouldn't deny it however. He was proud of his intimate relation to Mukuro and anyone who had something to say would die before they got the words out.

He entered his room and removed the book from his pocket, placing it on his desk before picking up a worn, rolled up piece of paper.

He gently unraveled it and with placid eyes he examined the black and white drawing. It was of him leaning against a tree truck, and the first time he laid eyes on it he was stunned by the way the shading made his features look in the picture. It was like he was repelling the darkness, shining through the shadows as he looked off into the distance.

He found the picture folded up in the journal.

He laid the drawing down and walked over to the window so he could watch the rain fall in heavy streams.

_He saved me from myself…_

That line always put a sense of calm in him, but it was she who in a way saved him. It seemed that they both had a part to play on who they chose to spend their lives with, and she had awakened a side of him that he didn't know he had.

Mukuro knew of what took place just like she knew of his feelings for her without him ever having to say a word. Hiei had never been happy before, but with Mukuro he finally had someone who understood him.

Everyone had gone their own separate ways, all being physically disconnected in a way that no one imagined, but there would always be one thing that will remain until the end of time, one thing that connects them all together, even those who lived their lives not knowing who they really were.

Their Memories.


End file.
